Billy Masters 09.08.22

"You've touched our hearts and minds to be our authentic self, to use our voices, to dream big. Thank you for your leadership and commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusion, especially for women and women of color. Most of all, thank you for sharing your journey with every single one of us. We love you, God bless you, and guess what? You're just beginning!"

—Billie Jean King to Serena Williams at the US Open.


Where were you 25 years ago? I had just moved into my sumptuous Beverly Hills-adjacent abode. And I know this because I moved in the same week ABC debuted "The View". I also remember when my bed was delivered—the day Princess Diana was killed in that car crash. And I know this because I watched the funeral from that vantage point with a certain sexy pharmacist I was dating (I would have done him for the pills alone). What can I say? Funerals make me hot! Remember that the next time you invite me to give a eulogy!

Reports of the passing of the Summer of '22 have been greatly exaggerated. Despite accepting that fall was upon us, I stubbornly needed one last hurrah. Back to Provincetown I went—damn the chill in the air and those elongated shadows. My last official outing was seeing Steven Brinberg's "Simply Barbra" at the Provincetown Art House (PtownArtHouse.com). As always, Brinberg is a delight replicating every vocal inflection, tic and nuance of the diva. But he doesn't stop with Streisand—he evokes at least a dozen other luminaries, including Eartha Kitt, Bette Davis, Ethel Merman, Lena Horne, Bea Arthur, and even the great Anthony Newley. A highlight was his tribute to "Hello, Dolly!", which turned into a duet...and then a trio. You have to see it to believe it. The special guest appearance of crooner Nicolas King was just the icing on an already rich cake. Check him out if he comes to your locale—the full schedule is at SimplyBarbra.com.

I was both tickled and humbled by the many people who came up to me after the show to say they're fans of the column or of "Billy Masters LIVE" (we're currently on a hiatus). It really touched me—which also happened later at Velvet's underwear party. Come to think of it, I was also tickled there...among other places.

Another way to know the summer is coming to a close is when the U.S. Open takes place. This year's festivities took several bizarre turns—the most staggering being when fans cheered the appearance of Beyoncé. Except it wasn't Queen B—it was Laverne Cox! Allegedly, people made the mistake because she was wearing a mask. Yeah, and when I have on a mask, I'm often mistaken for Brad Pitt!!! The mistaken identities did not end there. Days later, Dionne Warwick appeared courtside—and was ID'd by the announcer as Gladys Knight! I'm not sure which diva should be more insulted. Feisty Auntie Dionne decided to Tweet about it. "Hi, I'm Gladys Knight...and instead of taking that midnight train to Georgia, I won't walk on by but will say a little prayer for you."

By the time this column comes out, Lea Michele will be hitting Broadway—and perhaps several lesser Ziegfeld Girls! The diva has already reared her perky little head by insisting that "Funny Girl" add a song which was only in the film. Lea will warble "I'd Rather Be Blue" in the first act. Fans (I know you're out there) tell me she's been singing "My Man" in her live shows—and bemoaning that it is not in this revival. I predict it's just a matter of time.

Since many of you have asked, Varla Jean Merman is recuperating comfortably. As you'll recall, she had a mishap with a Tic Tac which resulted in major surgery—don't you hate when that happens? We have more details to share. The Merm suffered a complete detachment of her quads at the tendon and fractured her kneecap. While it's easy to knock the old girl over, it's hard to keep the old girl down. After taking a week off, she is returning to finish out the season at Provincetown's Crown & Anchor. "The show must go on! Honestly, I need to laugh now more than anyone at this time...even if I'm in a wheelchair." Oh, yes, you read right—wheelchair! Dash down to Ptown to see the newly revised "Varla Jean is Ready To Blow...On Wheels". I predict these will be shows you'll be able to tell the kids about for years to come. Grab a ticket (if you can) at OnlyAtTheCrown.com.

Like a fungus (and, trust me, this is an apt comparison), Britney Spears is suddenly everywhere. First there is that revolting recording, which Miss Elton is probably writing off as a charitable contribution. Then there's that voice memo that she released "by mistake"—and later deleted after everyone already saved it. To her credit, Brit sounds remarkably lucid and almost like someone who scored at least triple digits on her SATs. After she declined a sit-down with Oprah (so she's smarter than that Markle chick), the British ITV network decided to do their own documentary—and got her estranged sons to talk! Jayden said, "I love you a lot. I hope for the best for you. Maybe one day we can sit down like this and talk again." Britney posted a lengthy response on Instagram. It included this: "My love for my children has no boundaries and it deeply saddens me to know his outcry of saying I wasn't up to his expectations of a mother...and maybe one day we can meet face to face and talk about this openly!!!!" So there!

Jesse Tyler Ferguson just married his "Modern Family" niece Sarah Hyland. Well, he didn't marry her—he's still with his dashing hubby, Justin Mikita. But Sarah finally married beau Wells Adams (from "The Bachelorette"). And her onscreen dad, Ty Burrell was slated to officiate. Then, 12 days before the big event, Ty had one of those pesky "family emergencies" and had to cancel. As Jesse describes it, "I was honored to do it. Very happy to understudy Ty Burrell."

The cast of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3" just completed filming in Greece. This time around, Nia Vardalos is not only acting, writing, and producing, she's also directing! It is slated to be released next spring.

Obviously the father of the bride will be John Corbett. And that's not the only role Corbett is revisiting. He'll turn up in the second season of "And Just Like That..." Whether this will be a major storyline with Aidan rekindling his romance with Carrie or more of a cameo remains to be seen.

Our "Ask Billy" question came from Henry in San Francisco: "I just saw some pics of Luke Evans and a guy hotter than him on vacation. Who is he? And is it serious?"

Luke was recently in Ibiza with the very sexy and strapping Spaniard, Fran Tomas. But this is not a new relationship—the couple has been together for about a year. And, yes, Fran is unbearably hot—if you like that good-looking, muscular Latin type. Of course, Luke is no slouch in that department. While Fran is a bit buffer, Evans is more ripped—quite an accomplishment for someone a decade older! Fran works in architecture and design, with a background in real estate and construction. And he clearly has lots of free time to globe-trot with the hunky Evans. To see some sexy snaps, check out BillyMasters.com.

When I'm looking forward to the next celebrity funeral, it's definitely time to end yet another column. With the temperature starting to dip, I'm winging off to Europe. While I would have joined Luke and Fran in Ibiza, I really don't like all that spitting. Instead, I'll start out on an undisclosed Greek Isle, and then off in a former Eastern Bloc land scouting Bel Ami types. In fact, this may be a country that blocks www.BillyMasters.com—the site that's been known to enjoy a foreign tongue or two (typically at the same time). If you'd like me to find you a slot, write to [email protected], and I promise to get back to you before Stavros and I dry off. Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.