Billy Masters 04.06.23
Last week, I went to Boston's Museum of Science, which is actually located in Cambridge. As a kid in grammar school, we'd take field trips there every year, so I knew every inch of the museum —including the Hall of Human Life. In the past, adorning the entrance of this display was a life-size sculpture of a nude woman crouching on her hind flanks and holding up a newborn baby —ala "The Lion King". Much of the museum has changed, so while the exhibit is still there, the nude woman was nowhere to be found. However, in a virtually uninhabited section was a room dedicated to the museum's past. And there, tucked away in the back of a little alcove, behind Plexiglas, was the nude woman! A friend of mine insists that it is the detail to her nippular area that's caused her to be cloistered. I'd be happy to purchase some tassels or a bikini top if it would help get that poor woman out of the closet.
This story has an eerie connection to one recently in the news. I'm sure you all heard about the principal in Tallahassee, Florida who was fired after showing a photo of Michelangelo's David to a class studying Renaissance art. If it was shown in a Sex Ed class, it would surely be to illustrate the difference between a grower and a shower. I hadn't realized how much Davey and I had in common, but that is neither hither nor yon. Or is that yawn?
A Dutch university recently canceled a production of Samuel Beckett's play "Waiting for Godot" because only men were cast. It should be noted that all of the characters in the play are male, which wouldn't stop many directors today. This situation is not without precedent. Back in 1988, a professional Dutch theatre company produced the play with a woman in one of the roles. Since Mr. Beckett was still alive at the time, he sued the company —and won!
A stage version of Annie Proulx's best-selling novel "Brokeback Mountain" is headed to the West End. The new adaptation, written by Ashley Robinson, will be headlined by two of the hottest men in the business—Lucas Hedges and Mike Faist. But, this is not simply a play. Buried in the press release, it says, "original songs will be performed by Eddi Reader", who plays "The Balladeer". I suppose I'd be more concerned if I read who the choreographer was. All will be revealed on the opening night of May 18th. It's scheduled to run at SoHo Place through August 12th.
Former President Donald Trump will be arraigned on Tuesday. While most people are calling this unprecedented, a fun fact has been uncovered by our crack team at BillyMasters.com (many of whom have actually been on crack). President Ulysses S. Grant was arrested in 1876 for riding too fast...on his horse! While Mr. Trump has had parts of his anatomy compared to a horse, it's never been the part he'd like.
One of the former president's biggest enemies is aiming at a comeback. Comedian Kathy Griffin has been having a devil of a time getting work. In fact, she claims to have not had an actual paying gig in over five years. Well, the drought is over. She'll be appearing at the Mirage in Las Vegas on Saturday, June 17th. And here's the best part —the tickets are cheap. Seriously —like $45! I say we all plan a road trip.
I'm all for the separation of church and state. I'm also for the separation of sex and state. What I am not in favor of is stupidity and state. And that leads to the story of the New York City judge who was discovered to have an OnlyFans account. Well, the 33-year-old Gregory Locke is pretty hot. Then I read how he described himself on the site. "White collar professional by day...very unprofessional by night, always amateur, always raw, always slutty." I'm told that amongst his oeuvre, you see him nude, having sex, and (I kid you not) drinking from used condoms. I'm not sure who used them, but I ask you —do you really want that guy judging anything more than a wet briefs contest? An irrelevant question because he's been fired —although it wasn't because of the nudity or his non-hygienic actions. It was after he Tweeted to a city councilwoman who came out against drag queens that she should "choke on a dick"! For the record, he's certainly got something chokeable, as you'll see on BillyMasters.com.
This brings to mind the NYC weatherman who was naked on a live webcam, gave out his address, and told people to let themselves into his home and take turns fucking him. That fair-weathered fella was
Erick Adame, and he's starting a subscription service. For $5 a month, every day he'll give you "the weather" —which is not a euphemism! Someone online asked, "Is he going to do it in a thong?" I say give the people what they want...for $5 a month.
"The Voice" recently featured a contestant who was raised Mormon. EJ Michels is 31 years old and from Utah —well, duh! After joining Blake's team, he talked about coming out as gay, and struggling with what that meant within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What I learned from his story is that the "church" not only opposes same-sex marriage, but requires gay people to abstain from dating and sex. This is so different from the Catholic Church, which encourages sex —often in the confessional! So, let me get this straight —Mormons aren't supposed to have sex while dating, and the church bans same-sex marriage. You see the dilemma.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about Cody Fern—who appeared in Adam Lambert's film debut, "Fairyland" and showed up at the Sundance Film Festival opening looking like a Timothée Chalamet knockoff. Fern made news again last week when he posted an Instagram Story wearing little more than a smile. Well, he superimposed a rosebud on his nether regions. You still might get a smile when you see it on BillyMasters.com.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Greg in Maine: "Do you watch 'Sex/Life'? Devon recently showed off his penis. Was it real? You always seem to know these things."
Pigs can sniff out truffles. This pig can sniff out a real dick. Greg is asking about Jonathan Sadowski, who plays Devon on the Netflix series. Devon had to get reconstructive surgery "down there" after being in a car accident while receiving oral sex. In a word, OUCH! He brags that the surgery gave him an extra inch —at which point he whips out his dick in the locker room. The results are impressive. Alas, it was indeed a prosthetic. However, the rest of Sadowski's bangin' body is quite real —to say nothing of his locker room friends (who all seem to be refugees from a gay porn shoot). Just for kicks, we'll post every inch on BillyMasters.com.
When some stories leave a bad taste in your mouth, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I'm still thinking about that stage version of "Brokeback Mountain". In addition to songs, maybe they could throw in some of those Julie Taymor puppets as sheep. Or perhaps this could lead to the long-awaited comeback of Lamb Chop! More good ideas can be found on www.BillyMasters.com —the site you can't quit. You can always grab me at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before someone puts David in the closet. So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.