LGBTQ Families: Setting a Good Example

More than 420 anti-LGBTQ bills have been filed in state legislatures this session, according to the ACLU. Many are being framed as promoting "parents' rights" and protecting children—but the reality, and the hypocrisy of the bills' supporters, is far different.

On March 15th, the Kentucky legislature passed a bill originally intended to ban school curricula on sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression, (i.e., a "Don't Say Gay/LGBTQ" bill). It included provisions about notifying parents and allowing them to opt their children out of sexual education lessons, and affirmed that no student information would be kept from parents (which many LGBTQ advocates fear will lead to LGBTQ students being outed). It also said that teachers and students may ignore a student's chosen pronouns if they do not conform to the student's "biological sex." 

As if that wasn't bad enough, several additional vicious anti-trans provisions were added at the last minute and the bill was rushed to a vote. The legislation is now not only a "Don't Say Gay/LGBTQ" bill, but also bans gender-affirming care for trans youth, prohibits trans children from using bathrooms or locker rooms consistent with their gender identities, and more. It also states that if a child is already using puberty blockers or hormone therapy, a health care provider may "systematically" reduce them if stopping them immediately would cause harm—ignoring the harm that even a gradual decrease would cause.

That's right: The same bill that expresses concern about parents having full knowledge and control over what their children learn and do in school also rips away the ability of parents with trans children to direct their health care and means LGBTQ parents will never see their families in the curriculum. Governor Andy Beshear (D) is widely expected to veto it, but the Republican-led legislature could override him.

Across the country, other anti-LGBTQ bills are variously attempting to ban affirming healthcare for transgender youth, stop trans youths from playing on sports teams consistent with their gender identities, deny trans people access to bathrooms consistent with their gender identities, ban LGBTQ-inclusive curricula and books in schools, and allow discrimination against LGBTQ people in adoption, foster care, and marriage, among other things.

Yet a new analysis of research on children of LGBTQ parents has found that the very things these bills are promoting lead to poorer outcomes for children and families. The paper, by researchers in China and the United States, is a peer-reviewed synthesis of 16 previous studies, mostly from Western Europe and North America, that "compared family outcomes between sexual minority and heterosexual families" in countries and regions where same-sex relationships were legalized. "Family outcomes" included children's development, education, and substance use; parental mental health, stress, and relationship satisfaction; family functioning and social support; parent-school relationships; and more. ("Family outcome disparities between sexual minority and heterosexual families: a systematic review and meta-analysis," Zhang Y, Huang H, Wang M, et al., BMJ Global Health 2023;8:e010556.)

The researchers concluded that "most of the family outcomes are similar between sexual minority and heterosexual families, and sexual minority families have even better outcomes in some domains," More specifically, they found "better psychological adjustment in children raised by sexual minorities, especially in preschool age children," which "may be due to better preparedness in the face of strong anti-gay stigma" and "more egalitarian parenting roles." Children with LGBTQ parents may also be "more tolerant of diversity and more nurturing towards younger children." Many previous studies have concluded essentially the same, but most were done before legal relationship recognition became widely accessible; this new study confirms that the conclusions hold after relationship recognition, too.

At the same time, the researchers remind us, "Sexual minority families may experience some additional stressors related to their sexual minority status. Community context and climate have an impact on the health and well-being of sexual minority parents and their children." They identified various social risk factors, such as stigma, discrimination, and poor social support, which can lead to poor family outcomes. They also suggested what might lead to better outcomes for LGBTQ families, including marriage equality; establishing diverse pathways to parenthood; prohibiting discrimination in adoption and employment; raising public awareness and understanding of LGBTQ families; promoting inclusive public facilities; preventing anti-LGBTQ stigma, discrimination, and bullying in schools; and providing school curricula on gender identity and sexual orientation.

The wave of anti-LGBTQ bills, as well as recent court rulings such as ones in Oklahoma and Pennsylvania that took away parentage from two nonbiological queer mothers, emphasize the detrimental factors above and hinder the positive. At the same time, we see that some of the practices used by many LGBTQ parents—like more egalitarian parenting roles, being more tolerant of diversity, and preparing our kids for challenges—can help our children do particularly well and may offer useful examples for all families (though we should never pressure ourselves or our children to achieve perfection). Additionally, I have rarely seen greater examples of devoted parents than those standing up right now for their transgender kids. Instead of being persecuted, our families should be emulated.

It's going to be a rocky few months as bills continue to percolate through state legislatures. We LGBTQ parents and parents of LGBTQ children need to keep telling our stories (if we safely can), writing to our elected officials, speaking out, and making it crystal clear that our children and our parental rights matter, too. Ultimately, not only our children, but all children, will benefit.

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (mombian.com), a GLAAD Media Award-winning blog and resource directory, plus a searchable database of 1200+ LGBTQ family books.