Billy Masters 03.23.23

"I'm sure I've gotten a blow job from a guy before. For sure. I don't know if it's gay unless you make eye contact while there's a blow job happening."

—DJ Diplo answers a question about having gay sex, which leads to a completely different question. Where is Diplo that he cannot keep track of who is sucking his dick? Unless he's at one of "those" places.

Idris Elba recently made a statement: "Me saying I don't like to call myself a black actor is my prerogative. That's me, not you. So for you to turn around and say to me, I'm 'denying my blackness', on what grounds? Did you hear that? Where am I denying it? And what for? It's just stupid." I identified with this. Back in the 90s, most gay clubs had a "gay comedy night", and trust me when I say most of those other "gay comedians" were not very funny. I told one interviewer that I was just a comedian—being gay had nothing to do with it. There are loads of gay men who've had sex with me and never laughed once. To be fair, their mouths were otherwise occupied.

One of the most brilliant comedians around is Judy Gold—and she happens to be a member of the LGBT-whatever community. Back in 2020, I kvelled about her book "Yes, I Can Say That"—subtitled "When They Come for the Comedians, We Are All in Trouble". At the time, the war on free speech from the stage was eerily prophetic. Alas, in these divisive times, it's more relevant than ever, which is why she's adapted it for the stage. "Yes, I Can Say That!" is opening off-Broadway at the 59E59 Theatre on March 21st. We planned to have Judy back on "Billy Masters LIVE" but, needless to say, her schedule is a bit full. She'll turn up sooner or later, but you should go to JudyGold.com and grab tix for her show sooner since it closes on April 16th.

I didn't mention this last week, but I'm mad at the Academy Awards all over again. Last year, they let Will Smith sit there without any repercussions for his actions. This year, it was Tems and her big white dress. As someone who has been to the Oscars, lemme tell you I would not be having it. You would not see me poking my head up from behind her tule—I would have pushed it down! Of course, I'd probably be the one thrown out.

I've been asked repeatedly if the denials that Lady Gaga would perform at the Oscars were just the Academy misleading us. Nope. Gaga turned down the opportunity to sing her Oscar-nominated ditty due to the filming demands of "Joker—Folie à Deux". She still planned to attend, but felt being rushed would not allow her to give a performance up to her standards. I'm told that it was the personal call from Oscars' producer Glenn Weiss and the idea of a stripped down rendition which led to what you saw. Apparently stripped down also meant hosed down.

Lukas Gage recently gave a lengthy interview to "The New York Times" where he scuttled questions about his relationship with celebrity hairdresser, Chris Appleton—but invited the speculation. Then the twosome showed up a deux at the Vanity Fair Oscar party. In case there were any lingering questions, Chris told Drew Barrymore, "I'm very happy. Very much in love. And I feel very grateful to be able to share my time with someone very special. Love is a really special thing and I think meeting someone that you really connect with is really, really special." He then showed the infamous Mexico pics and identified Lukas by name. Asked and answered.

Given recent events, I predict that Cher will re-release one of her classics: "Romanis, Tramps and Thieves".

The original Broadway cast of the musical "Ragtime" will reunite on March 27th for a one-night-only benefit for the Entertainment Community Fund, formerly known as The Actors Fund (how long will we have to reference its better-known name?). One of the participants will be Lea Michele, who was in the original cast as "Little Girl". Obviously she will be appearing in a different role. I believe "Little Girl" will now be played by Barbra Streisand.

A BBC reporter is in hot water after being filmed in a taxi and not wearing a seatbelt. Before anyone asks, I always wear a seatbelt—even when having sex in the car. You can never be too safe.

Aussie actor Ingo Rademacher claims that ABC didn't fire him from "General Hospital" because he refused to get vaccinated; it was because he endorsed Donald Trump. You know how to prove you're right? Get vaxxed!

And now, my favorite story of the week. I met the striking and sexy Forbes March through Jerry verDorn many years ago. I haven't thought of the former soap stud in eons, but he returned to the headlines last week after being arrested for stealing used cooking oil! Oh, yes—you read correctly. I must confess, I know nothing about used cooking oil, except I believe Willie Nelson uses it to fuel his Winnebago. We're told March purchased a used oil collection route to help supplement his income. He was seen siphoning used oil out of a container at a diner in Ulster, New York. Problem is that oil was earmarked for a competitor. March's attorney claims that the container was improperly marked and that it "appeared abandoned and contained mostly dirty rainwater." So, Forbes was stealing rainwater? The pilfered amount of oil has a street value of $1,000. His main business is a firewood delivery company, and I would be mighty happy to pay Forbes March $1K to deliver wood to me anytime.

The Osundairo brothers are back in the news. You remember them—the Nigerian bodybuilders who were allegedly hired by Jussie Smollett to stage a racial hate crime. FOX Nation has a 5-part docu series called "Jussie Smollett: Anatomy of a Hoax", and the buff boys are happy to tell all. While I do not have FOX Nation (for obvious reasons), I was shocked to see the bros reenact the crime on the streets of Chicago! My favorite part is when they say Jussie directed the sequence to include him fighting back. "Hey, don't just beat my ass—make it look like I'm fighting back and whatnot." When they recreate what they did with Jussie's ass in that gay bathhouse, call me.

Hot ass play leads to this week's "Ask Billy" question. Robert from DC writes: "Wow! It looks like David Geffin (sic) just married one of the hottest men on this planet! Got any nudes of Donovan Michaels?"

Well, who doesn't? I guess many of you—because this was a very popular question. While the nuptials haven't been confirmed by the happy couple, here's a tidbit that the mainstream press has missed—Donovan Michaels is gay porn actor Brandon Foster, who worked for Randy Blue. I don't believe he's done any celluloid stuff in close to a decade, but at the time he was billed as a "power top" — quelle surprise! Of course, the 80-year-old Geffen was previously linked with gay porn pup Justin Matthews, who was known for a similar specialty. You know what I always say—stick with what you know. And if you'd like to see him stick it in, check out BillyMasters.com.

When Donovan can carry Geffen across the threshold without using his hands, it's definitely time to end yet another column. And a pretty racy one at that. What can I say? I know my audience, because you're all checking out www.BillyMasters.com—the site that is always safe. If you have a favorite position, send it along to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Keanu sues for palimony (a nod to our very first column). So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.