Billy Masters 05.04.23

Darren Hayes has a nice bum. I hate to start in such a coarse way—not that I have firsthand knowledge of how coarse his bum is. But I was fortunate enough to catch the final show of the former Savage Garden frontman's recent solo tour. That this happened within spitting distance from whence I was born is a happy coincidence. In addition to all of his solo and group hits, he performed a generous smattering from his latest collection, "Homosexual". His voice is truly a marvel, and hearing it in such an intimate setting was a privilege—especially at such an economical price. I'd not seen Darren in the flesh before, and I hope this will not be our last encounter.

Darren opened the show wearing tight black trousers, a lacy see-through black shirt, and black boots. As luck would have it, I had on a strikingly similar outfit. As I entered the theater, someone approached and said the most extraordinary thing. "Not offense, but you look like Billy Masters. ""No offense? "Excuse me?

If someone were to be involved in a Photoshopping scandal, you probably wouldn't expect it to be a member of the British Royal Family. And yet, all fingers point at Kate Middleton, which means Meghan's off the hook this week. It started when the Prince and Princess of Wales posted a previously unpublished pic of the late QEII surrounded by a number of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren (Harry's kids didn't make the cut). It didn't take royal-watchers long to note that the snap had been altered. The popular conjecture is that Louis wasn't even in the room when the photo was taken. But it's also possible that he was sporting a grimace, which was fixed in post. One parent chimed in saying, "It isn't easy to get the perfect photo with 10 children. "


If you happen to be going to the coronation (and I know many of you are), let me caution you to behave in pubs. Last August, Dustin Lance Black was in a dust-up in a London pub with Teddy Edwards, a lesbian television presenter. Oh, yes—Lance was in a bar fight with a girl!While there are differing accounts of how it started, at some point Black threw a drink at Teddy. She responded by giving Lance (in her words) "a little tap on the back of the head". Black then called the police, but no arrests were made at the time. A couple of months later, Black said he experienced what he described as a "life-altering concussion"—which he traced back to that "tap". And now Teddy is pressing charges! Dustin was charged, released on bail and is set to appear in court on August 8th.

Patti LuPone recently expounded on her reasons for giving up her Actors Equity card. "I don't want to work on Broadway anymore. Broadway's now turning into a combination of Disney, Las Vegas, and the circus. ""Now turning"? I think that ship has sailed. Or perhaps the shit has sailed. Because apparently there is a phantom pooper on Broadway. I'm admittedly late to this party, but this is indeed a real thing. "When Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience [of 'Some Like It Hot'], the lights came up for intermission, and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo," said one source. Color me skeptical. First, I imagine they were sitting in the front section of the orchestra. I find it unlikely that such defecation is happening in real time. Adding fuel to the fire, the theatre manager was overheard saying this is the fourth such incident. I think someone's bringing poop in. As to whether it's human or not, I'm awaiting confirmation from the lab.

There's a transition here, but I'm just going to plow ahead. There's a new development between Lukas Gage and Chris Appleton—they've gotten married! Before you ask, yes, we've only been talking about this coupling since February. But, truly, we don't know how long they've been dating. They might have met. . . I dunno. . . weeks earlier! They were seen sporting matching wedding bands at last week's "Daily Front Row Fashion LA Awards". We later found out that the couple got married at the Little White Chapel in Las Vegas in front of six guests after getting a marriage license in Clark County, NV. Later that night, they went to see Usher with Kim Kardashian, who actually officiated the ceremony. Well, if they've got the blessing of Kim, it should last. . . days. Far be it from me to poop on their parade (which they might enjoy).

Cheyenne Jackson recently made a brave revelation—after 10 years of sobriety, he's fallen off the wagon. "I took my eye off the ball. I stopped doing what I needed to do to keep myself on the path of my personal integrity. I could blame it on Covid. I could blame it on the state of the world. Mass shootings. A nation divided. The death of my co-star. But the truth is, I thought I had it all handled. I thought, 'I got this. 'But I don't. I am a work in progress. Always. "I don't know if I've ever found him more attractive.

Billy Porter is on a roll. He just released some new music and is about to kick off a concert tour this week. He's also announced his next acting project. He will play writer and activist James Baldwin in a big-screen biopic—based on the 1994 biography by David Leeming. In making the announcement, Porter said, "I stand on James Baldwin's shoulders, and I intend to expand his legacy for generations to come. "


It's not been a good week for cable news anchors. FOX let Tucker Carlson go, around the same time Don Lemon was terminated from CNN. Believe it or not, Lemon's firing was less of a surprise. CNN has not seemed to know what to do with Don ever since Discovery took over. Add in the rumored history of questionable behavior, and the writing was on the wall. Interestingly, both gents have secured the services of Bryan Freedman, a lawyer who has negotiated multimillion-dollar settlements for such ousted anchors as Megyn Kelly and Chris Cuomo.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Drew in Chicago. "Thanks for the nude photos of Richard Armitage. Someone told me he's gay, but you didn't mention that. So is he or isn't he? "

Yes, Armitage is gay. In fact, you weren't the only one with that question this week. A UK paper asked him about coming out, and he was very upfront about it. "That happened when I was 19—to anybody who mattered—and I was always waiting for that question to punch me in the face, and it never did. I thought, 'Are people being polite, or is it that they don't want to know? '"He'll be quite happy you wanted to know. And in case people missed his nudity in "Obsession", you can see every inch of Dicky on BillyMasters. com.

When we're running reruns in May, it's definitely time to end another column. This week's column is coming to you from Fort Lauderdale, where it is Fleet Week—and, no, it doesn't have anything to do with enemas. Well, there was that night with the platoon from Annapolis. Those guys really do live to serve!The rest of you can check out www. BillyMasters. com—the site that proves a hard man is good to find. If you've got something worth saluting, drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters. com and I promise to get back to you before someone thinks mistaking me for Billy Masters is a good thing!So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.