Billy Masters 06.15.23

"I rise to commemorate the start of Pride Month by honoring the one and only queen of drag, RuPaul. RuPaul Charles has become an American phenomenon and an icon. Nobody has more charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent."

—Congressman Robert Garcia on the floor of the House of Representatives.


It may be Pride Month, but I'm in an undisclosed country where being gay can get you stoned...with real stones! Happily, within the confines of my bucolic, clothing-optional resort, I'm surrounded by Bel Ami-type studs who barely speak a lick of English —but have no problem licking anything else. It's important to remember that there are real heroes out there doing the hard work, while I'm getting real hard and letting others do the work.

California State Senator Scott Wiener invited my friend Sister Roma to the state legislature in Sacramento to kick off Pride Month. Roma is one of the most visible members of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence —the chalky-faced drag and trans nuns who have been providing service and humor since 1979. When Roma approached the podium, many Republican senators beat a path to the door. "If they really took the time to get to know her, they'd understand why I nominated her for this honor," said Senator Wiener. Roma was overcome and said, "I came this close to crying, and if this makeup runs, I'm done."

The Sisters were also formally invited by the Los Angeles Dodgers for Pride Night, which takes place on June 16th. Days later, they were disinvited due to pressure from the right. Gay Night was bad enough, but drag nuns were pushing things too far. A few more days passed, and the invitation was reinstated. Former Vice President Mike Pence was beside himself. "Having been raised in a Catholic family, the Dodgers' decision to invite the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a hateful group that blatantly mocks Catholicism, to their event next month is deeply offensive." I always find it interesting when a straight man is obsessed with conversion therapy and drag queens, while calling his wife "mother". It's all so Anthony Perkins!

Someone else who wasn't happy was Senator Marco Rubio. His disappointment was somewhat abated by news that the Dodgers will once again host Christian Faith Night on July 30th. Now, I find THAT deeply offensive. But I ain't protesting. Because, frankly, if we're able to have Pride Night, then the Christians should be able to
have their night. I do wonder if it's too late to book some lions to greet them in the stadium...

In a trend I predicted, another former "Bachelorette" contestant has come out of the closet. Josh Seiter, who competed for the affection of Kaitlyn (not that one), says he is bisexual. Josh attributes his sexual leanings on being homeschooled! Actually, it's his tardy realization, which he attributes to being homeschooled. His parents were born-again Christians, and he had no exposure to any other path. "I always knew as an early teen I was different sexually, I just didn't think I had the vocabulary to articulate what that difference was." I'd love to know how he scored on his SATs! But that's not his biggest bombshell. Joshy worked as an exotic dancer, and is currently dating a stripper named David. He also admits that he worked as an escort under the name Andrew Dean. "I was a male companion for women with the escorting site Cowboys4Angels. I have never been one for men." Homeschooling really didn't teach him much —he would have made exponentially more money with male clients!

I've slept with my share of strippers, to say nothing of porn stars (and happy anniversary to my beloved Kurt Young). One of the most prolific and successful gay porn stars is the iconic Jeff Stryker. Recently, Stryker posted a throwback photo from 2007 in Provincetown with Bruce Vilanch and a number of others. He wrote, "My Friends, I have a confession to make...I love Bruce Vilanch, I have for decades, No heart is bigger and no heart loves me more..." Lovely, right? He then followed it up with a comment, "Damn it Bruce, Don't let Betty White come between us." Problem is —the woman between them was Rue McClanahan! Needless to say, gay fans corrected him in droves.

I spent much of last week telling you about theatre in London. This week, we turn to domestic stages. Just before I left the States, Lea Michele was out of "Funny Girl" again due to Covid —how very 2022! With her time in the show coming to an end, she's looking to the future. She'd like to stay in NYC and is eyeing a revival of "Chess". That musical has had a troubled history in the US, and rumor has it a new version with Michele could be a hit.

Meanwhile, Lea's alternate in "Funny Girl" has already booked her next gig. The much-lauded Julie Benko will join the cast of Barry Manilow's "Harmony" when it hits Broadway's Barrymore Theatre on October 18th.

Lea's bestie, Jonathan Groff, attended a Beyoncé concert in Cardiff with hottie Ncuti Gatwa, best known as the incoming "Doctor Who". We're told the two met when Groff filmed a guest-starring role on the iconic British series, which returns in November. We're told the two "hit it off" —whatever that means.

Another twosome people may soon be talking about is Lukas Gage and Zachary Quinto. Wait a minute —how did someone we never heard of a couple years ago get top billing? The two appear in the flick "Down Low", which is described thusly: "A deeply repressed man, the uninhibited young man that gives him a happy ending, and all the lives they ruin along the way." The film was written
by Gage (hence the billing) and features star turns by Audra McDonald, Judith Light and Simon Rex —well, two star turns and some pandering. It did well at SXSW and is currently looking for distribution.

Our "Ask Billy" question is a throwback to last week. Jeff in Los Angeles asks, "I can't believe you went to London and didn't see 'A Little Life'. I was sure you'd be able to get ahold of James Norton's dick."

That is my specialty. But tickets to that show were harder to get ahold of than the aforementioned member. The play has been a smash —and one must give some credit to the very sexy Norton's nude scene, which has gotten quite a bit of attention. "There's still a block when it comes to male nudity, about the penis, and what it looks like, and its size and its shape —and all these things of which we as a culture are still very wary over," says James. He added, "We're scared of the penis," which has never been my experience. "Men, I think, we're far more obsessed with it. I mean, women I've asked are like, 'I don't care, you know, it's just a penis, whatever.'" This says more about James's than the women he's asking. So, sorry, we don't have a clear shot of his penis. We've got some snaps that have been somewhat censored, and I'm happy to share them on BillyMasters.com.


When I'm happy to share a penis —no matter the size —it's definitely time to end yet another column. While on my endless journey, I continue to update www.BillyMasters.com —the site that is proud all year long. If you have a burning query, dash it off to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before someone finds out how many licks it takes to get to the center of Billy Masters. Here's a hint —the world may never know. So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.