Billy Masters 05.16.24

"I think this says everything about the presidential race. The 70-year-old man with the worm-eaten brain is the youth candidate."

—Bill Maher on Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Even I can't top that.


"The patient is a young, athletic, well-built male." How can I take any doctor seriously who would describe me like that? In what world am I young, athletic or well-built? Then again, my doctor is a heterosexual male—in his world, I'm a catch! All that proves is that I should be dating straight women—or straight men! But, I digress. I had my annual physical last week—convinced I was pre-diabetic. I was even prepared to lose a few toes. Of course, my doctor saw through this career-advancing ruse and sent me on my way. Once again, my bid for fame was thwarted. I won't be kicking up my heels with that big girl in the blue dress—all because I don't need to lower my A1C! God bless Obama...and Romney (I am in Massachusetts, after all). What the hell—God bless Weld, too.

Everyone is talking about the Tom Brady roast. There are things I find amusing—like taking out the booing of Kim Kardashian in the repeats. Because, if we don't see it, it didn't happen, right? I never saw Kim's sex tape—but I know it happened. Ray J told me! Then there's the criticism of the many jokes at the expense of Giselle Bündchen, which reminded me of an anecdote. Way back in 2009, Joan Rivers was roasted on Comedy Central. She HATED doing it—but she was paid extremely well to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. But she had a condition; her grandson Cooper and daughter Melissa were off-limits for the comedians. That agreement was somewhat amended when Melissa agreed to join the roast. After all, if you're on the dais, you're fair game.

I just watched "Spacey Unmasked", the documentary from UK Channel 4 (it hits HBO Max later this week). I had a strange and unexpected reaction to the accusations—I was mostly sympathetic to Kevin Spacey. The men featured fell into one of two categories. There are some who were minding their own business and found themselves the recipient of some aggressive sexual act (i.e. Anthony Rapp). But most of them were young actors asking Kevin for career help, or writers who wanted Kevin to produce their movie. In those cases, Spacey simply offered tit for tat—well, more tat than tit. While many of these men felt uncomfortable, they kept going back. Why? One guy came right out and said after his "encounter", he was gonna use it as "leverage—you're gonna help me make my career". I'm not blaming them. It's natural to think someone who is ahead might help you...especially if you give them head! I can't tell you how many guys I've slept with who I had little interest in. But they paid for dinner, or bought me drinks, or just wore me down. Nobody pulled out a gun or threatened me. As Spacey points out, despite the numerous legal cases brought against him, he has always prevailed. We'll see how that works out since a new civil suit has been filed against Kevin in the UK. That trial is not expected to take place until early 2025.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention a few other interesting details. Ruari Cannon had a role opposite Kim Cattrall in "Sweet Bird of Youth" at the Old Vic. I found his account particularly credible and painful. Andy, who had an encounter with Kevin at the Public Theatre in 1981, finds it suspect that Spacey has not made any statement about the gay community or how it feels to live as an out gay man. I can answer that one—Spacey is not a member of the gay community and does not live as an out gay man. There are all different kinds of gay people, Andy. Then there's Greg, who went to high school with Kevin and claims to have been the recipient of some unwanted sexual aggression while driving in his car. For someone who claims to be straight, he took an inordinate number of photos of a young Kevin Spacey, who at the time was still Kevin Fowler. And speaking of Fowlers, there's Kevin's brother Randall Fowler, who claims to have been repeatedly raped by their father. Not that this is germane to the story, but today Randy bears a striking resemblance to a latter-day Jeanne Cooper!

Speaking of scandals, Bravo has cleared Andy Cohen of drug, alcohol and sexual harassment charges. While this was their investigation, the network claims that "outside investigators" were brought in, and determined that "the claims were found to be unsubstantiated". Leah McSweeney's lawyer calls the statement a sham to feed prospective advertisers. He also adds this tidbit: "NBC did not speak with the complaining witnesses. How is that an investigation?" The attorney indicated that this internal investigation does nothing to deter them from going forward with their lawsuit. Watch what happens, indeed...

The Eurovision Song Contest just crowned Switzerland the 2024 winner. The competition never took off here in the States the way it does in...well, Europe! It's kinda like a cross between "American Idol" and "The Gong Show". Each country submits a song and singer, which often includes some sort of costume, nationalistic dance, and a healthy helping of kitsch. You won't be surprised to hear that it also attracts a very gay audience. How gay? During the live semifinals from Sweden, co-host Petra Mede was explaining how easy it is to use the official app. While she was holding one "random" audience member's phone, we heard what may have been an unfamiliar sound to Petra—but what we all recognized as the notification from Grindr. And then another. And then another! As the notifications kept coming, Petra said, "OK, I'll just give you the phone back. It seems like you're having a wonderful week here in Malmö!" I don't know if the Eurovision app is easy, but the owner of that phone sure is! It all seemed a bit staged to moi...or however you say it in Swedish. You can watch the clip on BillyMasters.com.

Meanwhile, the famed Cannes Film Festival is about to start. One of the more interesting films is a documentary about Faye Dunaway called (not surprisingly), "Faye". It is also produced (not surprisingly) by Faye Dunaway—which I suspect means you won't learn much about Miss Dunaway. You'll recall the last time someone attempted to do a televised biography about her, he was the recipient of numerous lengthy phone messages—all of which you can hear on BillyMasters.com. I'm sure this project (which will air on HBO Max later this year) will have lots about her two films with Johnny Depp and the wonderful Marlon Brando. And being in Cannes is always a good career move. Shortly after she landed, it was announced she was cast in Jonathan Baker's supernatural love story called "Fate", which will costar Andrew McCarthy and Harvey Keitel. And she was even very slyly spoofed on "SNL" this week, as you can also see on our website.

Elsewhere in Cannes, a deal was made for a film about an older gay couple. "Out Late" is about a romance between a blue-collar widower and a retired dancer, played by Ron Perlman and Rupert Everett, respectively. The producer says, "Romcoms are back in force. What a gift to have Rupert Everett returning to that genre after the classic 'My Best Friend's Wedding'." To me, it sounds more like "Grumpy Old Queens".

This week's "Ask Billy" question comes from Mark in San Francisco: "I just saw 'Red, White & Royal Blue' and really liked it. Both guys were so hot, so I was wondering what you know about them."

So many questions about an old topic. But, I'm game. Nicholas Galitzine, who played the Prince of England, can currently be seen on the big screen in "The Idea of You" romancing Anne Hathaway, and on the small screen in "Mary & George" (on Starz) romancing the King of England! He's straight, and he feels guilty about playing so many gay roles. "I felt a sense of uncertainty sometimes about whether I'm taking up someone's space, and perhaps guilt." To that, I say balderdash—not that I'm sure what that even means. Then there is Taylor Zakhar Perez, who played the son of the President of the United States (an inexplicably cast Uma Thurman). He doesn't like to talk about his sex life, which is typically code for being gay. He's rumored to be married to techie Garrett Gerson—but you didn't hear it from me. By the by, "Red, White & Royal Blue" was so popular, Amazon Prime has ordered a sequel. I'm told most of the people from both in front of and behind the camera will return—including Matthew López (of "The Inheritance" fame), who directed and penned the script based on the book by Casey McQuiston. Some photos of the lads can be found on BillyMasters.com.

When Amazon is really delivering, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. Since I like to tie my columns together in a nice bow, let's say that Taylor Zakhar Perez is gay. Is anyone complaining that he hasn't made any statement about the gay community, or how it feels to live as an out gay man? I'm not judging, but I'm also not looking to any celebrities for validation of my life. Unless they're checking out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that is proud of nothing and everything at the same time. If you want to share your two cents, send it along to me at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before I book a trip to Malmö! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible