Billy Masters 09.05.24

"My heart is broken that I've lost my mother this past weekend. Sadly, in a tragic turn of events, my sister lost her life on the same day."

—Mariah Carey notes the passing of her mother, singer Patricia. While it may be a tragic turn, Mimi does not say that the death of her estranged sister Alison—who has been HIV-positive since 1990—was particularly sad for her.


After spending so much time overseas, I ended my summer with back-to-back excursions to Provincetown. Why didn't I just stay there? Give a fella a chance to catch his breath—and get more condoms! During my first jaunt, I saw the terrific Thirsty Burlington in "Cher 1987". Like her previous show ("Cher 1975"), this is locked into a specific era of the diva's career. While Cher spent most of the '80s focusing on acting, 1987 marked her return to recording such hits as "I Found Someone", "We All Sleep Alone", and "Bang Bang"—all sung live by Thirsty. What is Cher without spectacular gowns? Earlier this summer, Bob Mackie gave Burlington his seal of approval, so that's good enough for me. Having this talented diva back where she belongs is a gift that keeps on giving. She's at The Crown and Anchor on Tuesdays through September 17th. Grab your tickets at OnlyAtTheCrown.com.

I then caught Jamie Morris and his talented troupe at the Post Office Caf and Cabaret for "The Devil Wears Payless". I was curious how he'd turn this flick into an hour show. Cleverly, he jettisoned several subplots and focused his abundant gifts on the moments we all wait for (he did similar work with "Mommie Queerest"). Morris' impersonation of Ms. Priestly is a jewel, and the rest of his players provide the perfect setting. It's a clever and triumphant evening of high camp in the best way possible. It runs through October 6th, at which point it will likely trickle down to some tragic dinner theater in your locale. Until then, get your tickets at PostOfficeCafe.net.

Later in the week, I returned to Provincetown to see John McDaniel and Liz Callaway—again at the Post Office Cabaret. There aren't enough superlatives in the world to describe Liz Callaway. Strike that—she revealed that one critic called her the Marni Nixon of animation (look it up). Quite simply, she is sublime. If I were someone who believed in God, I'd say he kissed those golden vocal cords, which show no sign of stopping. That she is as down to earth as anyone with her extraordinary talent only makes me love her more. The show included a generous portion from her live, Grammy-nominated CD, "To Steve With Love: Liz Callaway Celebrates Sondheim". You can still buy it at all good (and not-so-good) retailers. Credit McDaniel for bringing her to Ptown and collaborating on a delightful show filled with lots of fantastic medleys—and harmonies! And there's dish. You do know about her filling in for Streisand, right? There's only so much she can say, but say it she does. Thanks, Liz (and Johnny).

One could say I saved the best for last. Certainly, it's hard to top Miss Richfield 1981—although scores of people have tried. Her show, "Phony Baloney", grapples with the AI crisis—and nobody is facing more of a crisis than Miss Richfield herself. Armed solely with her Sharp cell phone (bought at Radio Shack, y'know), she's had capacity audiences in stitches all summer at the Pilgrim House as she tries to tackle technology. She's assisted (and sometimes not assisted) by audience members who don't know what they're getting into. That's all for the best. Her material is fresh, her mind is lightning fast, and her costumes...well, at least she's got her mind and material. Oh, she's also got shows at the Pilgrim House until September 14th. Get your tickets at PilgrimHousePtown.com.

With all the love in the air, you'd swear it was spring. But here we are, a bit of a nip in the air, on the cusp of fall, and we have oodles of wedding news. First up, our pal Billy Gilman tied the knot with his boyfriend, Anthony Carbone. The ceremony took place on a 45-acre horse farm in Rhode Island—as all good gay weddings should. Carbone said, "It was not about the pomp and the fuss of everything—but about what it all means to us. I just really wanted to keep it simple, with the closest core of our family and friends who have watched our love story grow every single day." With over 120 in attendance, I can only assume my invitation got lost in the mail.

Then Rupert Everett made a shocking announcement—he got married earlier this year! This is surprising since he previously called the institution of marriage, "not my idea of heaven"—which I suppose is better than it being his idea of hell. Not surprisingly, he married longtime beau Henrique, who we hear is a Brazilian accountant. A "friend" revealed, "Henrique is absolutely charming. He's rather quiet and happy to let Rupert take centre stage"—which begs the question, where can I find a Henrique of my own? While details remain scarce, we're told the low-key ceremony took place at London's Camden Town Hall, followed by lunch at Ciao Bella—Dutch treat, I'm sure. "I have always hated weddings, although I do love funerals," Rupert quipped. I do hope that wasn't his toast!

Speaking of Rupert, the Ogunquit Playhouse will host the world premiere musical version of "My Best Friend's Wedding". The songs all come from the Burt Bacharach-Hal David songbook, and the cast includes two of our favorites. Tony-winner Matt Doyle plays Michael—the best friend in question. Assuming the role of George (made famous by Mr. Everett), we have our own Telly Leung, who will undoubtedly deliver his special brand of sass. The show runs September 26th through October 27th, and you can get tickets at OgunquitPlayhouse.org.

Not all marriages weather the storm. It's with that sentiment that Leah Remini and her husband Angelo announced they are splitting up. This one saddens me, because I liked them as a couple. Sure, we never know what people are like when the cameras aren't rolling. Leah acknowledges that in her statement about why the marriage didn't last. "To put it simply, we both changed, as people do, and we got used to playing roles that didn't fit us anymore." Ain't that something? I don't know if I've ever heard it explained as honestly before. Good luck to them both.

First there was Bigfoot. Then, the Loch Ness Monster. And now, a startling, unpredictable, almost other-worldly sighting—Wendy Williams in public! On August 19th, she was seen at Bolingo Balance, a Newark shop that sells herbal and holistic health aids! The glamorous gabber was with her son, Kevin Jr., who explained to his mom what all the products were. We're told Williams knew where she was and could even walk unassisted. The photo she took with owner Victor Bowman shows her in good spirits if not a good wig—as you can see on BillyMasters.com.

A sighting of Wendy Williams makes me think of Anna Nicole Smith. Happily, her daughter Dannielynn was recently seen in a cosplay costume. That means I had to look up what cosplay is. It's short for "costume play", and it's basically when people dress up as characters from anime and video games. It started specifically with "The Power Rangers", but now is a more widely-used term...none of which interests me in the slightest. Larry Birkhead brought his daughter to Power Morphicon in Pasadena, where we are told the girl got to meet some of her favorite actors from Japanese live-action TV. She was dressed as a few of her favorite "Kamen Rider" characters—Hino Eiji, Ankh, and a special version of Eiji being possessed by Ankh (I say as if I know what I'm talking about).

You'll recall I recently took a road trip to Baltimore for the crab cakes (G&M and Olive Grove are my favorites). Alas, I didn't run into Kevin Spacey. I guess he was busy since his Baltimore abode was foreclosed upon and sold at auction for $3.24 million. It was snapped up by Sam Asgari, who is not the Iranian fitness model who married Britney Spears. This is a Bethesda-based investor who does not have an "H" in his last name. You know what else he doesn't have? Access to his house! Reportedly, Spacey refuses to leave—not even for crab cakes!! Making it even crazier, Asgari says, "He's asking for six months to leave the property without paying anything." Spacey's lawyers say, "The accusation by Mr. Asgari is false." But if Kevin is still there and not paying, what's false?

A budding reporter sent in this week's "Ask Billy" question. Roger in NYC says, "I was walking down Madison Avenue and saw a group of hot shirtless guys. Did you know they were filming a scene for 'Sex and the City'?"

I know you won't get your press card with that kinda journalism. Roger, Roger, Roger—it was a scene for season three of "And Just Like That..."—the sequel to "Sex and the City". But I knew what you meant—just like I know the hot shirtless guys in question are employees of Mario Cantone's character Anthony at his Hot Fellas bakery. Did you happen to see any of the girls there? Because they were in the scene—as shot by someone named Mickey Blank for her social media page. Naturally, you can check out more than their buns on BillyMasters.com.

When we're serving hot guys and carbs, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Last week, it was crab cakes and peach cobbler. This week, it's herbs and loaves. Last week wins! We had Cher 1987, and Miss Richfield 1981. Well, I'm Billy Masters 1969. And '69 ain't just a year, as you'll see on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that's as limber as its owner. If you'd like to find out for yourself, send your indecent proposals to me directly at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you once I get all of the sand out of my crevices. Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.