"Ewww, Eww, To get f*cked? Gay guys are the horniest people in the world. They're disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS."—Paris Hilton's response to a gay friend who was explaining how guys hook up via Grindr. Friends of Hilton's say that she was drunk at the time and that the comments are taken out of context. Regardless, for someone who hooked up with someone else's husband and was videotaped having unprotected sex with him, she's really not one to talk.
It's almost amusing, really. I mean, one couldn't plan it better. Days after those topless photos of Kate Middleton were foisted on the world, she and Prince William are greeted by a group of topless women! In the midst of a tour of the South Pacific, the royal couple arrived in the tiny village of Marau on the Solomon Islands, where bare-breasted tribal women in grass skirts presented them with necklaces. Kate stifled a giggle while Willie attempted to avert the eyes as the ladies put the jewels around their royal necks. Any hopes of a quick getaway were dashed when the gals burst into a traditional dance. Some were perplexed, wondering who was providing what sounded like rhythmic clapping. Let's just say that support can not only be beautiful, it can be used as a muffler.
Jesse Tyler Ferguson of Modern Family proposed to his longtime boyfriend, lawyer Justin Mikita. Needless to say, Justin accepted. The duo coupled their good news with the formation of a new foundation. "Tie the Knot" will raise money to help fight for LGBT civil rights through the sale of bowties—presumably the snazzy choice of modern bridegrooms. You can check out the merchandise and sign up for updates at TieTheKnot.org.
Rupert Everett caused quite a stir with some comments about gay marriage and, in particular, gay people having children. He said that his mother likes his current boyfriend but "still wishes I had a wife and kids. She thinks children need a father and a mother and I agree with her. I can't think of anything worse than being brought up by two gay dads. Some people might not agree with that. Fine! That's just my opinion. I'm not speaking on behalf of the gay community." The most surprising thing about this is that Rupert has a boyfriend! And who thought he'd be bringing suitors around to meet his mum? As to his thoughts on gay parents, obviously I agree that he's entitled to his own opinion. Certainly not all gay people would make good parents. Many straight people I know make terrible parents. Rupert expressed a similar opinion on a morning chat show in the UK. "I'm not against anybody doing anything. But I am not big into marriage, straight or gay, to be honest. I am very out of kilter with the rest of the world, I realize." Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.
Let's turn our attention to Nick Gruber, Calvin Klein's former boyfriend and gay-for-pay porn star. When we last left Nick, he was out of rehab, photographed kissing some woman on the beach in Santa Monica, kissing the nephew of a mobster in Los Angeles, and promising to write his memoirs. Oh, he also claims that the designer hired a private investigator to follow him. I suppose anything is possible. So what else could there be to report? Nick's latest plan is to shoot a reality show! The New York Post quotes him as saying, "The show is basically about me being in a relationship with Calvin. It's also me trying to figure out who I am as a process of coming from his lifestyle from New York to LA, at the same time being the straight boy and still liking men and women." That's almost a cornucopia of things to decipher. First off, if you're going to do a reality show about your relationship with someone, don't you still have to be in the relationship? Since Gruber is no longer dating the 70-year-old designer, I'm guessing that part of the story will be brief - or perhaps re-enacted with lookalikes or maybe claymation...like Davey and Goliath. Then there's "being the straight boy and still liking men and women". Nick claims that his new boyfriend, the comparatively youthful 48-year-old John Luciano, allows him to sleep with women. Well, ain't that modern! When the Post asked him if he really considers himself "straight", Nick said (with absolutely no sense of irony), "I don't believe in labels". Not even ones that say CK, apparently!
It's been awhile since I've talked about one of my best friends. The gloriously talented Jenifer Lewis has a new project near and dear to her heart. Back in 2006, she was onstage in New York performing Mother Courage and her Children with Meryl Streep when she met a mega-fan, D.J. Pierce. He later moved to LA and did some work as Jen's assistant while trying to get his big break as a performer. He finally hit pay dirt when he was cast on RuPaul's Drag Race as the notorious Shangela. Their web series, Jenifer Lewis and Shangela, rather accurately documents the uproarious relationship that I've seen evolve in real life. They call it a "scripted reality show", but I believe someone simply followed them around and transcribed conversations verbatim. The results are hysterical and I highly recommend it. You can find the episodes at YouTube.com/JenLewisAndShangela. And, of course, I'll link to it directly from my website. Enjoy!
Those of you thinking about holiday travel might want to consider a quickie jaunt to New York. Why? Because Cheyenne Jackson will be appearing in the new play The Performers on Broadway. The comedy also stars Henry Winkler as an aging adult film star who befriends the hottest new star on the block (guess who?). Yes, I've told you about this play before, but they've suddenly released the promotional stills of Mr. Jackson looking like he's auditioning for a role on Spartacus—and I mean that in the best possible way. As far as I'm concerned, seeing Cheyenne in gladiator gear is worth the price of a Broadway ticket. Although I do worry that the photo (which may be "manipulated" a touch) does set a standard that even a jacked Jackson may be unable to fulfill in the flesh. I guess that means I'll simply have to go and see for myself. Sigh...the things I do for you!
This leads perfectly into our "Ask Billy" question. Cary in Houston asks: "Why don't you ever write about the hot guys on 'Spartacus'? Gabler was recently nude and I nearly flipped. WOW - what a body. What a dick!"
I have to confess that I never really got into Spartacus or any of those pseudo-Biblical series - which is odd because I love ancient history and hot men (fill in your own damn joke). You made me do some research and I have to confess that Craig Parker, who plays Gabler, is pretty damn hot. And, yes, he was nude earlier this season and sported a semi-fluffed penis that was certainly not to be missed. Just in case someone didn't get a good enough look, Craig was nice enough to take a very impressive, clear full-length nude of himself in a bathroom mirror - as so many straight men seem to be doing these days with alarming regularity. Like Craig, I'm a BIG giver, so you can find the footage and this photo on BillyMasters.com. Leave a tip after you wipe up.
When Rupert doesn't want to be anybody's daddy, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Although we ran long, I must take a moment to remind you that the latest breaking gossip (and photos) can be found onwww.BillyMasters.com, the site that has something for everyone (especially if you love hot, famous, naked men). If you feel the burning need to share something with me, then send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Cheyenne gets cast on "Spartacus". Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.