“I think we should do more than just send gay Olympians there. What’s happening there in terms of gay rights or the lack of it is extraordinary and awful.” – Chris Pine speaks out on behalf of gay people in Russia apropos of the upcoming Sochi Olympics. Just another reason to love him.
Have you noticed that many headlines are quite misleading? This is particularly troublesome on the Internet, where an increasing number of people get their news. You all heard the story about the guy who was shot in a Florida cinema because he was texting. Nine out of 10 accounts bury what I think is the most germane detail: he was texting during the PREVIEWS. That’s like someone being angry when you talk during a TV commercial.
A few days ago, another story hit closer to home. This one was about Sherri Shepherd (full disclosure—Sherri is a close friend of mine). One gay website had this headline: “Sherri Shepherd To Gays: I Don’t Agree With Your Lifestyle, But I Love You”. Of course, that’s not what she said. Even the venerable EOnline screamed, “Sherri Shepherd Says She’s Not Anti-Gay but Thinks Homosexuality Is a Sin”. Well, she didn’t say that either. In the interview, she talks about her strict religious upbringing. “You grow up being a Christian and you have grown up believing homosexuality is a sin, you’re going to hell if you’re a homosexual. This is something that they teach in churches, so it is something that I grew up believing. And being on [The View] has really forced me to go, ‘What are your beliefs, Sherri? What is God saying? It says one thing in the Bible, and you have these people in your life, so how does this apply to you, Sherri?’ And so I always tell people, ‘I may not agree with your lifestyle, but I love you. You may not agree with my lifestyle, but you love me.’” When asked if she thought homosexuality was a choice or not, she said, “Who am I to say? Some people say it’s a choice. I don’t say it’s a choice. If you tell me ‘Sherri, I was born gay,’ OK. I’m not going to argue with you, ‘cause I can’t tell you how you feel or what’s going on inside....and I absolutely respect you for that. And I just asked that people respect how I feel, I respect how you feel, and we can have a great dialogue. And then afterwards, let’s go get a drink!” FYI, do you know who another one of her best friends is? Cheyenne Jackson. She might not agree with him jerking off on video and sending it to a paramour (footage we happily have on BillyMasters.com), but she still loves him. And if that ain’t love, I dunno what is.
I used to have a fantasy that I’d show up to one of my high school reunions on the arm of a famous fella. In most of these fantasies, that person was Christopher Atkins—clearly this is an old fantasy, and even back then I had the wherewithal to not aim too high. Over the years, I’ve met millions of famous folk—but I’ve never bumped into Christopher Atkins. But, let’s face it readers—he’s probably not on the short list for invitations to the Oscars, Golden Globes, or other glittering affairs that I tend to attend. However, last week I was shocked and somewhat titillated when I spied Atkins at the “One Starry Night” benefit at the Pasadena Playhouse, which raised money for ALS research. While I refrained from sharing my fantasy (although I suspect he’d be up for it if the price was right), I did get a photo with him. I don’t want to alarm anyone, but it’s entirely possible that he gave me herpes. Or maybe he was just sporting a benign cold sore. Either way, there will be a full investigation and possible legal action if I see any pustulation. Be that as it may, it was a small price to pay to meet Chris—I can call him that now because we share an STD. I can add my photo with him to my Golden Globe snaps with Kevin Bacon and Rob Lowe. And thus, my survey of 80s sex symbols comes to a close, unless I run into Matt Dillon at the grocery store.
Ronan Farrow’s MSNBC show isn’t even on the air yet, but he’s already in hot water. As you know, his dad Woody Allen got the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award at the Golden Globes. And I’m sure you also know that Ronan (née Satchel) has been on the outs with Allen ever since the Soon-Yi situation. Rather than taking the high road, Farrow Tweeted this during the awards: “Missed the Woody Allen tribute—did they put the part where a woman publicly confirmed he molested her at age 7 before or after Annie Hall?” This is a reference to unproven allegations that Woody molested his sister Dylan (those charges were later dropped). While Farrow certainly has a right to say what he wants (even if he does come off as a bitchy queen), the network brass were less than thrilled. Apparently, they are quite diligent about what their employees post on public media—especially when criticizing a show on their own network (the GG’s were on NBC). Lest we forget, MSNBC previously employed Alec Baldwin.
A couple of familiar faces will be turning up on “General Hospital”. The soap has just signed Donna Mills to play a major role starting at the end of February. While we don’t know the exact nature of her character, it’s been hinted that it could be very similar to her stint on “Knots Landing”. Someone else who will be turning up on “GH” is Shirley Jones. The beloved actress (and Oscar winner) will be appearing on the February 5th installment of the soap as a grieving widow who stumbles upon some gravediggers late at night. Only on daytime, folks.
This is as good a time as any to acknowledge the death of two notable sitcom stars. Shirley’s “Partridge Family” co-star Dave Madden (who played Reuben Kincaid) passed away last Thursday at the age of 82. On the same day, we lost Russell Johnson, the Professor on “Gilligan’s Island” (initially, he was billed as “and the rest”). The 89-year-old had a long career before and after his sitcom stint. But perhaps his most notable post-island accomplishment is his extensive fundraising for AIDS research, stemming from the death of his son in 1994.
If you even casually surf the Web, you could probably predict this week’s “Ask Billy” question. Roger in Chicago writes: “Everyone is talking about the enormous penis of Kellan Lutz. Where did they see it? Is it really his?”
This is a topic that surfaces every so often due to Kellan’s penchant for thin, loose-fitting shorts and a possible aversion to underwear. Or maybe he favors a jock or some other support that lifts, separates, and juts his junk forward. No matter the reason, we’ve seen hints of a significant bulge in the past. Last week, someone posted a rather explicit phallic photo, complete with ridging and proof of circumcision. While our technicians have determined that the photo has been somewhat “enhanced”, that manipulation seems to have been limited to clearly defining the dick. The size and girth appear to be intact, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.
When we’re employing NASA technology for detecting dicks, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Wait a second...didn’t I say the same thing last week? I’m noting a theme to 2014 that, while not troublesome, is certainly repetitive. And yet, I’m not bothered by it in the slightest. Because that’s what you’ll always find on www.BillyMasters.com—dish and dick. If you’d like me to look into something for you, just send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Christopher Atkins and I attend my 25th high school reunion. Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.
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