Billy Masters 05.05.22
"I'm super-conscious that I'm close to death. And it doesn't really bother me that much. What bothers me is that my body is, you know, basically not mine! My knees are not mine, my hips are not mine, my shoulder's not mine. You're looking at somebody who's only me from here up."
—Jane Fonda discusses getting older—and being half bionic!
I like Beanie Feldstein. I really do. In "Hello, Dolly!", she was fantastic. But a funny foil is a far cry from fronting a fractured fable like "Funny Girl". Before rehearsals even began, it was a foregone conclusion that the first Broadway revival of the show indelibly linked with Barbra Streisand was doomed—and scheduling opening night on Babs' 80th birthday seemed almost cruel. Reportedly, Feldstein pulls off the novelty numbers. But most critics feel the vocal demands of the score are beyond her. Blaming Beanie (who, by the by, identifies as queer) seems wrong. Obviously she's been let down by the producers. Surely someone heard her sing "People" before hiring her. Now what? The big guessing game on the Rialto is who will replace Beanie...should the show last long enough for a replacement. Idina Menzel was in the mix before Beanie was announced; Lea Michele before that; and Lauren Ambrose even earlier. I wouldn't want any of them cast in a role that requires powerhouse vocals plus a unique and quirky personality. Frankly, none of them could convince me that they're the greatest star.
As luck would have it, Lea Michele wormed her way into the news. She's apparently offered to carry Jonathan Groff's baby! Not even he could believe it when she told him. "Hell yeah!" she reportedly said. "I love being pregnant. It's so much fun!" How nice—a womb with a view! Since they're best buds, I'm sure her offer comes from a loving place. Plus, it's not like she has anything else to do.
We've got some news about "Wicked". The hit musical will not be made into a film. It will be made into TWO films. Because, why make one perfectly fine movie musical when you can milk it for a couple of years? The first half will come out in December 2024, and the second will debut a year later. A lot could happen between now and then, so I'm not holding my breath.
A big Broadway musical usually gets the special symphonic treatment at the Hollywood Bowl each summer. This year, the spotlight will be on "Kinky Boots", which runs July 8-10. Two veterans of the Broadway production—Wayne Brady and Scissor Sisters' Jake Shears—will star in the Bowl presentation. The original director and choreographer, the incomparable Jerry Mitchell, will helm the proceedings with his usual slow hand and easy touch.
Adele is in a pickle. Caesars Palace has made it clear that her aborted residency must debut this summer or there will be dire financial consequences. As you'll recall, she pulled the plug on the production literally hours before it was supposed to debut. The major problem was that she never jived with the concept of designer Esmeralda Devlin—which is fascinating since she designed Adele's 2016 world tour. But, no matter—the songstress has fired her entire creative team. In their place, she has hired Kim Gavin and Stufish—I say as if I know what a Stufish is. I know Starfish, but I suspect that's a different thing. Sorry, Charlie.
Elsewhere in Vegas, Dionne Warwick has canceled her residency at The Stirling Club. Let's start with the fact that nobody in Vegas has ever heard of The Stirling Club—which, as it turns out, is a small supper club precipitously perched on the fringe of the famed Vegas Strip. If you head to the south side of Las Vegas Boulevard, it is kinda across the street from the Circus Circus RV Lot. You know what they say—location, location, location. After six shows, Dionne herself put the kibosh on the residency—which was supposed to run until the end of the year. Alas, The Stirling Club was renovated to Dionne's standards, and now it sits there with no act. Might I suggest Carrot Top? Or Gallagher? If nothing else, they'd make a bundle selling slickers to the people in the front rows.
You know what hasn't been canceled? "Billy Masters LIVE". Yes, we've taken some time off, but we're back this Thursday, May 5th at Noon Pacific (3PM Eastern). And since I'll be in Los Angeles, it's a perfect time to catch up with my pal Levi Kreis, who is at LA's Ahmanson Theatre starring in the national tour of the Broadway musical "Hadestown". And we might be joined by one of my special friends—someone who has a new-ish Showtime series. You can tune in on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.
Remember the big story last week? About Republican Congressman Madison Cawthorn in a see-through blouse and black bra? Well, that was just the beginning. This week, he tried to get on a plane with a loaded gun—bringing up the old joke of if that's a gun in your pocket...assuming he can feel what's in his pocket! The incident happened at Charlotte Airport—my least-favorite airport in the world, thank you very much. Cawthorn was detained by TSA when they found the 9-millimeter in his carry-on bag—which apparently is a federal offense, carrying a maximum penalty of $13,900. And this was his SECOND such offense. The first was in February of 2021 at Asheville Regional Airport—an airport I have not had the pleasure to visit...yet.
Adding insult to potential injury, a video surfaced of Madison getting handsy with his senior staffer—who happens to be male! Picture it—Cawthorn was driving his car (yes, picture it) and his "aide" Stephen Smith was in the passenger seat...filming the incident. Madison says, "I feel the passion and desire and would like to see a naked body beneath my hands"—although it should be noted that he says this as if he were playing Maggie in a community theatre production of "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof". Smith, the perfect Brick, says, "Me too," and places a hand in Cawthorn's crotchal area. Not only that, but it's been revealed that the Congressman has given his Stevie thousands of dollars in "loans and gifts". There are even photos of the twosome sucking on some sizable cigars. You can see the smoking gun on BillyMasters.com.
The son of Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox has wanted to wear dresses since he was four. At the time, his dad was very clear—"If he wants to wear it, then he wears it." We hadn't heard much about young Noah since then. Last week, Fox gave an update on the situation. "I bought a bunch of books that sort of addressed these things and addressed a full spectrum of what this is. Some of the books are written by transgender children. Some of the books are just about how you can be a boy and wear a dress; you can express yourself through your clothing however you want." And when Noah, now nine, wanted to wear a dress to school, it was his choice. Megan relates what happened: "He came home and I was like, 'How was it? Did any of the friends at school have anything to say?' And he was like, 'Well, all the boys laughed when I came in', but he's like, 'I don't care, I love dresses too much.'" Out of the mouth of babes...
This week's "Ask Billy" question comes from Carlos in New York: "I just came back from Spain and saw their version of "RuPaul's Drag Race". The Pit Crew had a hot daddy named Juanma. What do you know about him?"
The Spanish version of the mega-hit is actually called "Drag Race España"—and the host is Supremme de Luxe—a Spanish drag queen and singer whose nom de plume was inspired by The Supremes. As to Juanma Lopez, he definitely fits into the "daddy" category. While I don't believe he's done porn, he is an "erotic model"—which means we have plenty of explicit photos to share. And he is, shall we say, ample! And on BillyMasters.com.
When some of our subjects are muy caliente, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Oh, yes, I'm a bit of a cunning linguist. And I'm also more than slightly partial to a foreign tongue. You can find a variety of other body parts on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that sizzles. If you have a question, send it to [email protected], and I promise to get back to you before Madison Cawthorn gets a job driving for Uber! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.