Billy Masters 06.01.23
"We could have some good threesomes, me and Anderson."
- Andy Cohen's response to Sherri Shepherd's question about his sex life, threesomes, and why he doesn't just date Anderson Cooper. Andy quickly added, "Because, by the way—excuse me—that is what it would take. Because we are truly just friends."
When is a "near catastrophic car chase", neither catastrophic nor a car chase? When pedestrians are moving faster than the cars! I guess it all depends on how you define "near". W
ords matter, and never more than when you're Prince Harry and that wife of his...and I think it bears mentioning again that prior to their liaison, her biggest credit was on basic cable (of course, Princess Diana was a school teacher). It is true—Prince Harry, Meg, and her mother Doria were in a car in NYC. And it is also true that paparazzi were surrounding the vehicle trying to get photos...God knows of what. But it is also true that funeral processions in small towns move quicker. That reality doesn't invoke a situation on par with the death of Princess Diana.
The final chapter in an actual car chase has been written. Last week, Anne Heche was finally laid to rest, nine months after her death. I can't blame the family for waiting. The last time someone declared her dead and put a sheet over her head, she popped up and said, "Surprise!" So, y'know, anything could have happened.
An end has also come to the contretemps between Priscilla Presley and her granddaughter Riley Keough. You may recall that Priscilla was listed as co-trustee of the Presley estate in the event of the death of Lisa Marie. However, a document allegedly written in 2016 cut her out. Priscilla—who, it should be added, is the only reason there is still a Presley estate—questioned its validity. And, trust me, nobody crosses Priscilla. Riley wisely reached a sealed agreement with her nana and is said to be "very content". And still breathing!
As predicted, the Tony Awards will happen as planned on June 11th. And they will be televised as planned. But they will rely on presenters winging it, versus having a scripted show. Under these conditions, the Writers Guild has promised to not picket the event—an event where I predict (again) most presenters and winners will express solidarity with the writers, which should help their cause. On the other hand, the Daytime Emmys will not take place as scheduled on June 17th. Because nobody can expect TV actors to "wing it".
When I heard that my dear friend Mary Callanan was heading a production of "The Prom" at the Speakeasy Theatre in Boston, I was all in! If anyone was born to play the diva-licious role of Dee Dee, it's Mary. The fact that the Speakeasy assembled such a uniformly talented cast is no surprise. It's a show that needs to be sold, and this cast did just that. The ensemble stood out with some tight harmonies and decent dance moves. More impressive was that each person had an individual identity—something even Broadway companies struggle with. The performance I attended had a special person in the audience. Chad Beguelin, who co-wrote the book and lyrics, heartily applauded the cast—and said this was the most impressive production of the show he's seen. So, what are you waiting for? It runs through June 10th and you can grab your tickets at SpeakeasyStage.com.
I've seen a number of videos called "Ride", but nothing I'd expect to see on the Hallmark Channel. This "Ride" features Jake Foy, who is openly gay and Canadian (well, it is Hallmark). Fun fact—one of his first roles was in the original workshop of the musical "Come From Away"—so he's like the Canadian Jenifer Lewis (for the three of you who will get that). In "Ride", he plays Tuff McMurray, a gay member of the central family. Yes, a gay cowboy. From Canada. On the Hallmark Channel. This is how the network describes him: "Tuff is a man of many hats: he protects his brother in the ring by being his bullfighter, he is the Foreman of the ranch, and he's also an aspiring musician." For those of you new to the Hallmark Channel, that's code for "gay". Why am I telling you any of this? Because Jake just got engaged to his longtime real-life beau, Nicolas La Traverse. Congrats!
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that "Ride" also stars Dylan Neal, who at one point was on "The Bold and the Beautiful"—and played a male stripper! I'd lost track of him in the ensuing years, but he seems to have matured quite nicely. Maybe I'll post some of that steamier celluloid on BillyMasters.com.
Come the fall, a shake-up is headed for "Bachelor Nation". No, Chris Harrison has not been reinstated. "The Golden Bachelor" will feature a bachelor and prospective mates who are over 60. Funny, I thought some of the previous bachelorettes were pretty close to that! While I probably won't watch "The Golden Bachelor", I would tune in for "The Golden Bachelorette"...if it promised a bevy of mature men!
That leads us to a story about Colton Underwood, the first (and, thus far, only) openly gay "Bachelor". In September 2021, he was spotted with Jordan C. Brown—I think the two were making out on a beach in Hawaii, but I'd have to consult the archives...and, really, who has that kind of time? Two years later, they're married. The couple tied the knot in a lavish three-day event in Napa Valley. Colton said, "I've never been more sure about something." Of course, he also said that to Becca...and Cassie...and Tia...and Aly...and...
Someone who may not be a gay bachelor for long is Andy Cohen. He revealed that his son Ben told him, "I want another daddy." Andy responded by saying, "Well, maybe I'll fall in love one day, and you will have another daddy." Of course, since he has a penchant for youngsters, I doubt the basic cable honcho will be calling anyone "Daddy" anytime soon—other than Anderson Cooper, of course!
By the by, Cohen posted a couple of nude photos last week. Why? Ostensibly it was to draw attention to skin cancer. The first photo was him in his mid-twenties and is in B&W—which is what they were using back then. He appears to be sitting on the edge of an outdoor statue, and captioned the snap, "Feel like I still got it! Should I recreate this 30 year old nude photo????" Due to the overwhelming response, he doffed his top (and then some)—and the results are impressive. Under that photo, he wrote a caption reminding people to wear sunscreen and get naked...for a skin check with your dermatologist. That Andy—he's a giver! They're both on BillyMasters.com.
Sometimes my readers hear about stories before I do. Shawn sent in an "Ask Billy" question which piqued my interest. "What do you know about those English divers who are starting an OnlyFans page? What can we see? Are they really nude? Is there any sex involved?"
I knew nothing about this fledgling enterprise, but I know a thing or two about hot British divers. And let me tell you Tom Daley is only the tip...and who wants just the tip? The divers in question are Matty Lee, Daniel Goodfellow and Matthew Dixon. But, alas, they are not planning any adult content. "But hold up...remember I'm a Team GB diver, not a [porn star]. So everything will be SFW and a place when I can interact with you all," said Matty. But he's charging $20/month for Safe For Work footage? Uh, that's a hard pass. Now, if you'd like to see what they won't show you, go to BillyMasters.com—which is only $5/month. Face it—we're older, we're cheaper, and we show the goods!
When we're doing a deep dive into some Brits, it's time to end another column. If there was footage of Team GB getting all of their nooks and crannies checked by a dermatologist, it would definitely turn up on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that focuses on healthy naughty bits! If you have a question for me, dash it off to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Ben calls some other man Daddy! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.