Billy Masters 06.27.24

"I got your back, kid."

— Harrison Ford's response when Anne Heche told him she was considering coming out around the time their film "Six Days, Seven Nights" was being released. This anecdote is part of a longer essay in "The Hollywood Reporter" by public relations guru Simon Halls (that's Mr. Matt Bomer to you).


Last week, Donald Sutherland died at the age of 88. Typically, this is not something I'd cover in this column—certainly not as a lead story. However, I was struck by this line in the "New York Times" obituary. "With his long face, droopy eyes, protruding ears and wolfish smile, the 6-foot-4 Mr. Sutherland was never anyone's idea of a movie heartthrob." Is there any need for that? Sure, they went on to say fantastic things about his talent, but at that point, who cares? I imagine my obituary will say, "Never what anyone would call conventionally attractive..." They'd probably follow that up with, "He had romantic liaisons with many famous men," or "He slept with lots of gay porn stars," or even, "He was known to have an enormous appendage." But after that opening, who cares? On the other hand, the next line of Donald's obit says this: "He often recalled that while growing up in east Canada, he once asked his mother if he was good-looking. 'No, but your face has a lot of character.'" Thanks, Mrs. Sutherland.

Then there's the arrest of Justin Timberlake. So much misinformation out there, we're going to bring you a few facts first. On June 18th at 12:37AM, police in Sag Harbor (Hamptons adjacent, you know) observed a 2025 BMW go through a stop sign. They also noted the car did not stay in its lane. They pulled the car over and found Mr. Timberlake "operating his vehicle in an intoxicated condition". Justin was arrested, processed, held in a cell until arraignment, and was released at 9:30AM. In the mug shot (which you can see on BillyMasters.com), he looks glassy-eyed...although still better than most of us look after retouching. Shortly after this all went public, someone posted an official-looking report that he "had traces of molly, poppers, Truvada, and coke in his bloodstream." Untrue—if for no other reason than we know no blood was taken...and nothing comes back from the lab that quickly. However, it IS true that while he was being booked, Justin said under his breath, "This is going to ruin the tour." The booking officer said "What tour?" Yes, Justin is so old (go ahead—"How old is he?"), the cop didn't even know who he was! Timberlake is due for a virtual court appearance on July 26th—ironically, the day he's set to perform in Krakow, Poland. And I think we all know rarely do good things come out of a stay in Krakow!

Following last week's Tony Awards, an interesting discussion took place on social media. Someone asked why and how Audra McDonald would play Mama Rose in "Gypsy"—after all, Rose Hovick was a real person, and was white. Of course, I defended color-blind casting, and then brought up "Hamilton". But it did get me thinking—what if the situation were reversed? Imagine the uproar if Kathleen Turner played the title role in "The Rosa Parks Story"? Still, I'd pay good money to see her get on the bus saying, "Lordy, Lordy, I sho' is tired!"

Carol Burnett cemented her place in history by placing her handprints and footprints in cement. Obviously the ceremony took place at the legendary Grauman's Chinese Theatre (OK, now it's the TCL Chinese Theatre...soon to become the TCL Asian-American Theatre, I'm sure). It was a fitting site since Burnett grew up a few blocks away. The honor happened after "Palm Royale" executive producers Laura Dern and Jayme Lemons learned Burnett had never been given this honor. They made a couple of calls and the theatre said, "Name the day." Congrats.

Hulu has just ordered a new sitcom which will likely be "Must See TV" for my readers. "Mid-Century Modern" comes from Max Mutchnick and David Kohan (of "Will & Grace" fame) alongside Ryan Murphy—who seems to have his fingers in everything. The premise is that three gay gentlemen of a certain age decide to live out their golden years in Palm Springs. Nathan Lane plays Dorothy...err, Bunny. And his mother moves in as well, played by the luminous Linda Lavin. The hot gay who is also a bit dim (think Rose) will be the 46-year-old Matt Bomer. I'd argue that he is not "golden" by any stretch of the imagination, although it bears noting that the "Golden Girls" characters started off in their 40s and 50s. The last roommate has yet to be cast. Rounding out the cast is "a naked Gen Z housekeeper", which sounds like a combination of the short-lived Coco on "Golden Girls" and Agador in "The Birdcage". The cast will be in good hands as James Burrows has signed on to direct the pilot.

Hot on the heels of Andrew McCarthy's documentary "Brats" (about the so-called Brat Pack), Sony Pictures is exploring the possibility of making a follow-up to the classic "St. Elmo's Fire"—on the condition that the entire cast reunite. Does it have to be everyone? 'Cause, really, I can do without Mare (no offense).

Speaking of reunions, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are poised to star in a crime thriller called "RIP". While they are best known for "Good Will Hunting", the duo actually collaborated on 9 films in total.

I don't want to get anyone alarmed, but I think Ben's marriage to Jennifer Lopez is in trouble. I know—we all thought it would last forever. When I saw she was in Italy with some girlfriends, I remembered that's what Sofia Vergara did just before she announced her split from Joe Manganiello. Must be something in the water...

Judy Gold and Sandra Bernhard revealed that they've been working on a script. The feature film is titled "Hope Falls" and would find the funny ladies playing cousins—with Sandi as the bossy one ('cause that Judy is such a shrinking violet). They started writing it during the pandemic and they'd like to pitch it to Netflix.

As 2023 drew to a close, Jennifer Saunders vowed to write "a film or series based on 'AbFab'...I want to do something related." Well, we're all getting her wish...kinda. Later this year, British television will air a two-hour tribute show called "Absolutely Fabulous: Inside Out". This will be the first time the cast has been together since the 2016 film. Saunders explained what she's looking forward to: "I loved making 'AbFab', but I can't remember a great deal. So much of this retrospective is a revelation to me!"

Speaking of retrospectives, "The Young and the Restless" just paid tribute to Joshua Morrow, who celebrated 30 years on the sudser. We got to see some early clips of the pouty-lipped hunk in his very young and restless days. Then I saw a photo online of what I thought was young Josh. Nope—it was his look-alike 19-year-old son, Crew Morrow—who is joining the sister soap "The Bold and the Beautiful". He is a new recast for the role of Will Spencer, whose mom is played by Heather Tom, who played Josh's sister on "Y&R". Small world, isn't it? Naturally, you can check out Crew on BillyMasters.com.

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Grant in San Francisco: "What do you know about Dan Welden? He's a really hot fitness guy who I follow on Facebook. He doesn't talk about his personal life, but he's often naked, has an incredible body, and he sounds gay."

And there you have it—no matter how much progress we make, you can't get away from a stereotype. Of course, stereotypes exist for a reason. I'd guess Dan was gay just by looking at his perfect physique (sure, the voice clinched it). I'm happy to tell you that Welden is indeed gay. But, alas, he is taken. He recently revealed, "I do have a bf and we're completely monogamous." Last week he celebrated his 41st birthday...with some photos in his birthday suit. And obviously you can see them on BillyMasters.com.

When I've got the perfect candidate for the naked Gen Z housekeeper, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. See? I do it all—as I'm sure will be mentioned in my obit. We're full service at www.BillyMasters.com—the site that likes to give as often as receive. If you have a question, dash it off to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before someone casts me in the revival of "The Wiz"! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.