Billy Masters 08.22.24
"My God—if Gena Rowlands thought this is how she would be remembered, she'd have died years ago!"
—Billy Masters' quip when he saw the way some publications announced the passing of the multiple—award—winning actress. The most egregious headline said, "Gena Rowlands Dies: Actress in 'The Notebook'". Oh, the humanity...
Last week, Tom Daley announced that this would not only be his last competitive appearance in an Olympic Games (it is his fifth), but he was also hanging up the ol' Speedos. "It's hard to talk about. It's very hard to talk about. But you have to hang it up sometime. I'm very proud." He's particularly proud to have shared the experience with his family. In fact, it was his son Robbie who inspired him to compete this time around. Robbie, who is 6, said, "I want to see you dive at the Olympics." Ask and you shall receive. And with a silver medal, to boot!
Daley did leave us with an important message. In a new public service announcement, he's walking poolside wearing a robe and carrying a cocktail, as one does. He drops the robe to reveal he's wearing a red crocheted Speedo (his own design—he's a whiz with a needle). He mounts the board—I think that's the correct verb—and we see a message at the bottom of the pool: "1 in 4 UK drowning involve alcohol." On his bum is the message of the video: "Don't Drink and Dive". Sponsored by Malibu Rum UK, naturally. While there was merchandise for sale, don't bother looking—everything's sold out.
New Zealand's Robbie Manson and Australia's Matthew Mitcham had a post—Olympic summit in Paris, which was immortalized by some photos. Mitcham was the first to post, "Did someone say collab? *OF* course!!"—a sly reference to both lads having OnlyFans pages. Manson later posted, "It was great to catch up with @matthewmitcham again and do a cheeky collab." Mitcham responded, "Do you want to see the other shots from the series?" I assume the best is yet to come, but what there is can be found on BillyMasters.com.
We've spilt much ink about Imane Khelif, the Algerian wrestler who was the subject of Olympic—sized controversy. Despite proof that she is and has always been a female, many still question her gender. And she's not taking it lying down. The Paris Prosecutor's office is investigating several "acts of aggravated cyber harassment". The charges have been filed against "X", which in France means that the specific persons are unknown. But we're told that J.K. Rowling, Elon Musk, and even Donald Trump are being looked into regarding statements they've made on social media and to reporters. When the latest kerfuffle began, Khelif made a bold and prophetic statement: "God willing, this crisis will culminate in a gold medal, and that would be the best response." And so it has.
Some things are questionable, while others can be proven in black and white—and occasionally in living color. Take JD Vance...please! When you see headlines talking about a politician's "drag scandal", one immediately thinks of George Santos—and perhaps even Rudy Giuliani. The photo of Vance in a blonde wig and fetching black slip dress stems from his Yale years. An assistant professor from the esteemed institution says, "It's from a group chat of Vance's fellow classmates and is from a friend of a friend. I believe it was...taken at a Halloween party." More damaging may be that the photo was posted with the hashtag #SofaLoren—referring to rumors that Vance once had sex with a couch. Look, at least it wasn't a pie! I can only imagine what his fellow "hillbillies" think of that. Still, I suspect none of this would have any resonance, except Vance has strongly supported anti—LGBT policies, to say nothing of "Don't Say Gay" bills. He also introduced the "Protect Children's Innocence Act". What about the poor sofa? And let's not even get started on what he could have done with an ottoman!
In a move that has surprised nobody, Hulu has picked up a sitcom being termed as the gay "Golden Girls". As we've previously reported, "Mid-Century Modern" is about three gay men of a certain age who move in together in Palm Springs—and one brings his mother. The pilot was written by David Kohan and Max Mutchnick—creators of "Will & Grace". Four weeks after being written, the pilot was shot in front of a live studio audience, with the legendary James Burrows directing. Less than two months later, Hulu picked up the show. Nathan Lane is one roommate, with Linda Lavin playing his mother (think Dorothy and Sophia). Matt Bomer is a Morman who is described as "pure of heart...also hard of body and soft of head." He's Rose. Nathan Lee Graham's character is described as refined and dignified, so I guess he's Dr. Smith—damn, there I go channel surfing again!
Those of you holding your breath for a "Facts of Life" reunion are probably out of luck. According to sources, the cast got this close to getting back together...that is, until money started to be discussed (it should be noted that when Jimmy Kimmel hosted one of those live all—star episodes, Lisa Whelchel performed the theme song and was then joined by Kim Fields and Mindy Cohn to introduce the show). During a chat with Jeff Lewis on SiriusXM, Cohn revealed that the cast members were contacted during the pandemic about doing a full-scale reunion for Norman Lear. They were all interested, writers were hired, and then...kaboom! "One of the girls went behind our backs and tried to make a separate deal for a spinoff just for herself and devastated the rest of us." She added, "A couple of people can't move past it, don't want to move past it. We are not as united. We were united for 40 years over not talking about each other, not doing dirty, not, you know, all for one, one for all. And this kind of wrecked that, which is sad. Really sad." You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have...a mess!
Jordan Peele just announced that he's reviving the hidden camera show "Scare Tactics" for the USA Network. Some of you may know that when the show debuted in 2003, the host was Shannen Doherty (immortalized in a particularly funny "MADtv" sketch). While I'm sure Peele's version has been in the works for a while, the timing of the announcement is dubious, to say the least. Still, I'm in favor of anything that keeps Shannen's legacy alive.
Being an unofficial founder of Gay Days Anaheim, I take great pride in the annual event celebrating 26 years—and I'm even prouder that nobody carded me that first year. The event takes place September 13—15 at Disneyland in Anaheim (hence the name—we were quite clever in the '90s). The pinnacle of the weekend takes place in Disneyland itself on Saturday, September 14th. But I'd like to shine a spotlight on some of the other special events planned for the weekend. Cheyenne Jackson is doing a show on Friday, September 13th. That same night, Michele Lee, Donna Mills and Joan Van Ark will sit down for an interview with author Eddie Shapiro. On Saturday, September 14th, dance the night away at the Kingdom party at the House of Blues with Kimberly S DJing. And on Sunday, September 15th, the Plunge! pool party hits the Anaheim Majestic Garden Hotel—which sounds very fancy to me. Topping it all off (a term I use loosely), Varla Jean Merman does two performances of her acclaimed "Errors Tour" also on Sunday. All of the events are listed on the official website of GayDaysAnaheim.com.
In an unfortunate segue, we have an "Ask Billy" question from Jerry in Los Angeles: "What do you think of the arrests made in the Matthew Perry case?"
I'm torn. While I certainly don't want to excuse anyone, it is true that addicts have a way of getting what they want. In the case of Matthew Perry, he had plenty of money and opportunity. Trust me—when someone of his stature says, "Shoot me up with a big one," they'll get it from someone. And if one person says no, another will be happy to oblige—especially if money is no object. Almost proving the point, we now know that one doctor had vials of ketamine that cost $12 and sold them to Perry for $2,000. Adding insult to injury, the doctor texted another saying, "I wonder how much this moron will pay." While perhaps not a smoking gun, it certainly isn't very nice. Call me old—fashioned, but I expect better bedside manner from my doctors...and my drug dealers.
When drug dealers are more professional than doctors, it's definitely time to end yet another column. We started with Tom Daley and Malibu Rum warning against drinking and diving. And maybe he's onto something. Matthew Perry—in a hot tub. Whitney Houston—in a tub. And Natalie Wood—well, who really knows. Since I'm en route to my sumptuous Fort Lauderdale Beach House, I'm staying away from all substances...and perhaps bodies of water. Other types of bodies can be found on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that's squeaky clean! If you have a question, send it along to [email protected] and I'll get back to you before we find a photo of JD Vance dressed like Vivian! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.