Billy Masters 03.20.25

"Thank you, Madame Chair."

Representative Sarah McBride's response when the Chair for the House Foreign Affairs subcommittee, Keith Self, referred to her as "Representative from Delaware Mr. McBride." Sarah may have been willing to move on, but Rep. Bill Keating from Massachusetts interjected: "Mr. Chairman, have you no decency?" He added, "You will not continue it with me unless you introduce a duly elected representative the right way." With that, the hearing came to an end.

I recently came across a map of Europe which allegedly showed where the population of each country thinks the best-looking men come from. About 92% of Europe thinks Italian men are the hottest. Interestingly enough, Italians think the Swedes are the hottest. The country with the healthiest self-esteem is Greece, which thinks the hottest men come from within its own borders. Outside of European countries, only Brazil made a dent. If I had a nickel for every Brazilian who made a dent. Which leads to our next story.

What this map didn't address was how old these hot men were. I was discussing vacation destinations with a friend and mentioned Ibiza. He quickly said, "Don't you think you're too old for Ibiza?" Am I a hundred? Considering the Phoenicians went there in 654BC, I'm a veritable teenager! Then I suggested Sitges, to which my friend quipped, "You don't have enough money." Apparently I'm old and poor. That wasn't always the case. I recall a trip to Monte Carlo about 20 years ago. Sure, I was younger, but definitely poorer. That didn't stop a lad I met with Prince Albert from knocking on my hotel room door at 2AM. I'm just saying that maybe I'm part of a metric that cannot be easily measured. Or it might simply have been proximity—I was staying next door to the palace!

Some things can be measured—like cognitive abilities. Wendy Williams is on the brink of getting a new evaluation with the hopes of quashing her conservatorship and regaining control of her life...and her assets. Make no mistake, her situation is all about money. If she was Wendy from the projects, nobody would be locking her up and controlling her assets. She could be a complete mess and not a single person would care. Her conservatorship began when Wells Fargo petitioned the court. Yes, they were allegedly looking out for her best interests. But don't people have the right to squander their cash and make bad decisions? If not, I should be locked away!

Then there's Lady Gaga. She says in 2020, she had "psychosis" and adds "I was not deeply in touch with reality." Did anyone lock her up? Well, she kinda locked herself up. Back in 2011, she directed the music video for "Marry the Night", which showed her being wheeled into a mental institution on a gurney. She called it "autobiographical". In the video, she tells the doctor evaluating her, "I'm gonna be a star." He thinks she's delusional. And yet...

People make drastic decisions when it comes to their mental health. Some sleep with strangers connected to royalty (see above), while some simply escape. Take Rosie O'Donnell. She's one of the few people who threatened to leave the country if Trump got elected to actually follow through. Strike that—so did Ellen DeGeneres. Maybe it's a lesbian thing. Or a comedienne thing. "Although I was never someone who thought I would move to another country, that's what I decided would be the best for myself and my 12-year-old child." She made this revelation on TikTok—which I'm sure my friend would say she's far too old for!

Last week, The Kennedy Center released a very long list of performances that have been cancelled at their venue along with the reasons the show did not go on. I found the various reasons quite curious—flood, fire, theatre repair, and artist illness, alongside the typical low ticket sales or no reason listed. Which begs the question—are these artists protesting the current administration, or trying to avoid some sort of curse?

The Kennedy curse continued for Vice President JD Vance and Mrs. Vance. They were at the center to see the National Symphony Orchestra when people in the audience broke out in boos. Watching the video of this fracas, I must admit I was completely flummoxed. JD Vance went to the symphony?

You may have heard that the Sundance Film Festival's contract with the City of Sundance expires in a couple of years, and the festival is entertaining bids to move. That's fine by me, as long as they change the name. You surely cannot have the Sundance Film Festival in Salt Lake City. But what about if it were in another state entirely? That's what Robert Redford and other festival execs are pondering in light of a proposed bill that would ban Pride flags in schools and other state buildings in Utah. Festival leaders claim that Sundance is a "vibrant, inviting and inclusive festival". So, I decided to help them out and provide a few options. Didya know that there are cities called Sundance in New Mexico and Wyoming? There's also two Sundances in our 51st state—Canada. One in Alberta, and one in Manitoba, which is a ghost town. I smell a winner (or whatever one smells in a ghost town).

A new production of Shakespeare's "Othello" is breaking all kinds of Broadway records due to stars Denzel Washington and Jake Gyllenhaal. And yet, again, I am perplexed. The marquee shows Denzel's name before Jake's—as befits the actor playing the title role. But the photo above the names shows Jake on the left with Denzel's name directly below. Couldn't someone find a single photo with Denzel on the left?

You know whose name is soon to be leaving Broadway? Nicole Scherzinger, who will fade into the "Sunset Blvd" on July 13th—about a month after she loses the Tony Award (just a hunch). But she won't be gone for long. She's slated to make her Carnegie Hall debut on October 8th, in a concert that will likely begin with "As If We Never Said Goodbye" (again, just a hunch).

Where her name will not appear is back in London's West End, where she had aspirations of helming a new production of "Evita". Several names had been bandied about for this Jamie Lloyd production (the same chap who directed the "Sunset Blvd" revival). Ariana DeBose was the main contender, but she pulled out due to previous commitments. The lackluster Rachel Zegler will star, and Lloyd claims she will "blow the roof off the London Palladium". Since she was unable to blow off anything in the film remake of "West Side Story", I remain skeptical.

They say it's not over until the fat lady sings. If there's one thing Donatella Versace is not, it's fat. And yet, she's announced that she's stepping down as the creative director of Versace. While she will remain with the company as an "ambassador", she will be replaced by Dario Vitale, previously a designer with Miu Miu.

CBS recently debuted their new soap opera, "Beyond the Gates". While most viewers have complained about the bad writing, cheap sets, and ridiculous scenarios, it actually has something going for it—ratings from the first two weeks were up 78% from its predecessor, "The Talk". It actually tied in the ratings with "General Hospital".

We have time for a brief "Ask Billy". Josh in Maine asks, "Is it true that John Whaite is doing gay porn?"

In case you don't know (or can't remember that far back), Whaite was a contestant (and eventual winner) of "The Great British Bake Off" in 2012 while he was a law student. Back then, he was allegedly working for a "top law firm" (I'll be the judge of that). He eventually gave it all up to become a full-time chef—which included a number of TV gigs. In 2021, he was on "Strictly Come Dancing" with a male pro Johannes Radebe—the first time the show featured a same-sex couple in competition. Alas, he fell in love with Radebe, which caused a schism with Whaite's long-term partner, Paul Atkins. He also revealed that during that time, he had several "drunken fondles and experiments with various soap stars and celebrities". Nonetheless, John and Paul got married last year in NYC after being together for over 15 years. They started a gourmet brownie company called "Ruff Puff", while Whaite also started his OnlyFans page, with a promise to deliver "the side of me you haven't seen...yet." He plans to include lots of content—"from solo play to collabs, it's all here." In explaining his two ventures, he said, "One sells brownies and cookies while the other is a meatier enterprise." You can preview some of his wares on BillyMasters.com.

When baking helps develop great arms, it's definitely time for me to head into the kitchen and end yet another column. I can see it now—"Whisking to the Oldies". Oh, Richard Simmons would be so proud. However, I'm simply too overbooked to start a new venture at the moment. First things first—finding a vacation spot where I'm not too old, too poor, but the men are too hot to care. I'm sure I'll run some ideas by you on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that's clothing optional. Should you want to take that option with moi, send some photographic evidence to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before my loaf rises. Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.