Billy Masters 08.21.25

"The woman looked out her window and realized she still harbored ill will towards the former lover who shattered the antique glass. It may have been a romantic gesture, but she was robbed of rainbows forever. The woman considered taking a trip. But who could house-sit? There was the gardener, who was taking an inordinate amount of time planting a few bulbs. Or maybe the son of a friend who knocked up a woman of ample proportions and had a companion named after a theme park. No. The woman would stay home. And write. And write. And write ... books that nobody would read."

I suspect fans of Carrie Bradshaw's column are much like fans of Billy Masters—not particularly into the bodice-ripper genre. Rule one for writing a show—have a story you want to tell. Clearly that rule went out the broken window. After 10 hours I'll never get back, you know what I was left with? A shrug. Fine—but who cares? I was left with a question—where does one find this magical karaoke machine that also is preloaded with songs sung by the original artist? I also thought that if one wanted a show about people in their sixties who were interested in sex and the city, why not set it in London and follow the exploits of a certain ex-pat named Samantha? I'd watch that!

You wanna hear about sex and the city? Renée Taylor's new play "Dying Is No Excuse" recounts her epic love story with Joe Bologna. She's been working on this for a while, and there have been several readings in NYC and FL (know your audience, I always say). It just had its world premiere at the Unicorn Theatre Company in the Berkshires under the direction of Elaine May! But don't try to go—the entire run sold out in a matter of hours. That didn't stop Fran Drescher from flying in for opening night—not only to cheer on Renée Taylor, but also Nicholle Tom, who plays a young Renée Taylor (she also played Fran's stepdaughter on "The Nanny"). Fun fact—while I know Renée, Fran, and Nicholle, one of them was the last woman I made out with. I don't want to give you too many clues. But it was in the driveway after a holiday party. I swear there was something in that eggnog.

Last weekend, I zipped back down to Provincetown to the legendary Post Office Caf and Cabaret to check out two of the most popular shows in town. First is Miss Richfield 1981, who is celebrating 23 years in Ptown with her latest venture, "There's A Pill For That". I dunno what pills she's taking, but she looks terrific. With nary a blue dress in sight, she's singing and dancing and entertaining the capacity crowds. She hasn't lost any of her luster or spice. In fact, this new show has a strong theme, catchy ditties, and naughty off-the-cuff barbs. Make your plans early—she regularly sells out. And after Labor Day, she tours. Check out her full schedule on MissRichfield.com.

Also at the Post Office Cabaret is the latest creation from the talented Jamie Morris of "Mommie Queerest" fame (not the version with a body count). This year, he does what the kids call a mash-up. He cleverly combines "The Golden Girls" with "Mean Girls" to bring us "Golden Mean Girls". This is Jamie's 8th season in Ptown, and this show may be his best. He's brilliant as Blanche, although Sophia's breasts (as embodied by Payton St. James) come close to stealing the show. For those interested in a twink who has probably never eaten a Twinkie, then Zachary McEvoy is for you (he also works at Joe Coffee). It plays Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays at 10PM—which still leaves you plenty of time to go out and get lucky. Tix to both can be purchased at PostOfficeCafe.net.

Speaking gals with great gams, our very own Alaska Thunderfuck is off the market. The diva made the announcement on social media: "My longtime partner Matthew Herrmann proposed to me yesterday. It was after my grandma's 90th birthday celebration." Way to upstage Nana!

Let me tell you something nobody will—people don't go on "The Bachelor" to find love, they don't go on "American Idol" because they can sing, and they certainly don't go on "America's Got Talent" because they have any. People go on all of these shows because they want to be famous. And that doesn't just go for contestants. Like his sister Julianne, Derek wants it...BAD. He can check another thing off his list—he's been named the new host for "Extra". Yes, he's dangerously entering Mario Lopez territory by snagging Billy Bush's former gig. Derek says, "The ballroom has been my stage, my home, and my launchpad." Truer words were never uttered.

You would think being President of the United States would be a big enough gig. But no, not for El Presidente. He, too, is returning to his TV roots to host the Kennedy Center Honors—or whatever they'll be called by December. You'll recall during his last reign, he didn't even attend the telecast. Not only will he host, he says he was "about 98% involved" in the selection of the honorees (so much for his hand-picked committee). They include George Strait, Michael Crawford, Sylvester Stallone, Gloria Gaynor, and the band KISS. What? No Village People?

Many people have taken exception to Gloria Gaynor accepting this honor. Ana Navarro said, "The woman is a goddess and deserves all the flowers that come her way. But I wish she wouldn't accept an award from the hands of a man who has attacked the rights and history of women, people of color and LGBTQ+. The gay community in particular, helped turn her signature song into an anthem. Trump is a stain on the prestige and significance of the KCH. Don't do it, Gloria!" Raconteur Bruce Vilanch pointed out that while honorees don't speak during the telecast, they do the night before at the White House. "It would be the appropriate moment for Gloria Gaynor to accept the honor by thanking the LGBT community that has kept her working for four decades and that is being so demonized by the current administration...it may be the only way she can redeem herself in the eyes of the one fan base that has been her economic engine since the '70s."

You know who had a career before the '70s? Mamie Van Doren—the last surviving Hollywood blond bombshell. I'm always suspicious when people make allegations about folks who have passed away. The 94-year-old Mamie claims that Rock Hudson wanted her in a sexual way. No, really—she believes that. During an arranged studio date, Van Doren says, "He came on to me, and in my book I told about having on a Crimmins skirt and him getting very passionate and rolling on the kitchen floor." Did it occur to her that maybe he just wanted the skirt?

By the by, Mamie and several other former Hollywood luminaries will be honored at Cinecon 61, which takes place in Hollywood over Labor Day Weekend. The special honorees, in addition to Mamie, include Ann-Margret, Pat Boone, Juliet Mills and her "versatile" husband, Maxwell Caulfield. You can grab tix at Cinecon.org.

This week's "Ask Billy" question was troubling. Henry from Chicago asks, "What is really going on with Gladys Knight? Is she really losing it?"

We're not quite sure. Gladys has a son, Shanga (who had a short-lived bakery in Las Vegas). He believes his 81-year-old mom is being forced to perform by her husband of 25 years, William McDowell, despite her declining cognitive ability. Shanga went to Health and Human Services and filed a complaint against McDowell for elder abuse. They are investigating. Shanga is basing his opinion on Gladys forgetting lyrics and appearing disoriented onstage. Additionally, he says sometimes she doesn't even know who she is. It bears mentioning that she didn't miss a single concert on the recent "The Queens Tour" alongside Patti LaBelle, Chaka Khan and Stephanie Mills. Gladys made her own statement: "I'm sorry that my health and performances have been misrepresented. I want my fans and those concerned to rest assured I am doing very well for someone who has been on stage for three quarters of a century—hard to believe, right? I'm healthy and happy and visiting friends and family these last few months. I'm excited to get back on the road with my sisters and on stage with "The Queens Tour". See you soon."

Of course, it didn't end there. Gladys' publicist (who works with Knight's husband/manager) was less polite: "Gladys and her team are greatly saddened by Shanga's unfounded allegations, especially as he has had no substantial contact with her. She has not been on tour since June 1st and can't wait to begin touring again in September. At this time our lawyers have no choice but to explore any and all legal remedies due to Shanga's defamatory comments." This won't be their first legal battle. Back in 2017, Gladys successfully sued Shanga for opening a chain of unauthorized restaurants called "Gladys Knight's Chicken & Waffles"!

When all I'm thinking about is chicken and waffles, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. Before closing, we must acknowledge the passing of Terence Stamp, who bore a striking resemblance to the late Jeanne Cooper. His death dashes hopes for a "Priscilla" sequel—something I never thought would or should happen. What will definitely happen is more dish on a regular basis on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that never met a Twinkie it didn't like! If you have a question, send it along to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Gladys goes back on tour (which is September 19th in Greensboro, NC). Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible,