Billy Masters 09.04.25
"I know just how you feel because I have had these deep, loving relationships with men in my life, and all my wives were jealous."
- Vincent Price's response when his daughter, Victoria Price, came out to him as a lesbian. And suddenly, all the pieces fall into place.
Last week, we celebrated the 30th anniversary of this weekly column. That works out to over 1,500 columns—each of which had about 1,500 words. Oh, the symmetry is almost poetic. I, for one, can't believe I've done the same thing, day in, day out, for 30 years. One minute you're celebrated as the voice of several generations, and the next minute, you celebrate something a bit closer to home—the life of Big Daddy Masters. Yes, at the age of 92, my father passed away after a relatively short illness. I know popular convention says I should feel sad about this, but all in all, I'm mostly filled with gratitude. I had a parent who was inexplicably always proud of me—and trust me, that was no small feat. He didn't always say it, but I always knew. With the passage of time and knowing many people who had contentious relationships with their parents, I'm acutely aware of how lucky I was. Rest in peace.
This got me thinking about my legacy. Obviously there will be many universities that will teach "The Art of Billy Masters". Young writers will attempt to emulate my indefinable je ne sais quoi (I've got a whole lotta quoi to pass on). I'll probably take on several fledgling, nubile youths as prot g s. Unlike my many now-defunct colleagues, a strong part of my legacy is my ability to be a fair and unbiased arbiter of news—unless it's about someone I either slept with or don't like (often one and the same). So since we've already told you the side of the hooker/porn star that David Geffen married, I feel strongly that we must give the mogul a chance to have his say.
To remind you, the twosome married in 2023 with no prenup and no children (that we know of). Donovan Michael (aka Brandon Foster, aka David Armstrong) is requesting spousal support and has filed a lawsuit against Geffen claiming breach of contract. Answering these charges, Geffen calls the claim "a work of fiction". "Plaintiff cannot embarrass Geffen and extort a settlement with petty gossip and salacious lies." The retort states that "Geffen loved Plaintiff and treated him with nothing but kindness, respect, and generosity throughout their relationship." Geffen freely admits that their initial "encounter" was transactional—$10K for the full night (how presidential of him). He also claims that Michael used assistants to charge hundreds of thousands of dollars to Geffen's accounts—although, to be fair, if you're married to David Geffen, you expect that's not a big deal. Geffen adds that in the final months of the marriage, Donovan spent a pretty penny on OnlyFans and paying for male escorts. Again, I kinda expect that in a Geffen marriage, but you probably have to run it by him first (might I suggest a "play together" clause?).
Before leaping into this next story, I feel compelled to again point out that Kevin Spacey has never been convicted of any crime. Spacey continues his bid for a return to Hollywood by attending the Venice Film Festival—my favorite of the European festivals (with the exception of the Danish Clogging Festival). Since no notable acting roles have dropped into Kevin's lap (so to speak), he's directing. "Holiguards Saga-The Portal Of Force" is termed as a "sci-fi thriller" and Kevin co-stars with Dolph Lundgren and Eric Roberts. Even more ridiculous, his producers are throwing a "gala" to accompany a screening of the trailer. Yes, the trailer—not even the film! They say the event will include "live performances by an opera singer and a Georgian dance ensemble". You throw some clogs on them Georgians and I'm there!
Mike Sorrentino (better known to my fans as The Situation) wrote a memoir. That's not even the news, although it's news to me. His memoir is being adapted into a documentary—perhaps a multi-part documentary. I suppose it could be worse—it could become a musical!
In a recent interview, sexy Austin Butler was asked if he would bring Paul Mescal, Barry Keoghan or Saoirse Ronan to a pub. Austin said, "Barry would be a great time, but I wouldn't subject him to that." He added he previously partied with Mescal. "We once went to a bar and they shut it down and then they played show tunes. And Paul and I danced and had a great time." One might even call it a gay ol' time. Not necessarily me, but one.
A reunion of the cast of "Dawson's Creek" is taking place as a charity benefit on Broadway on September 22nd. The evening will benefit F Cancer—the brainchild of James Van Der Beek, who has been diagnosed with Stage 3 colorectal cancer. Joining the Beek will be my bon ami John Wesley Shipp alongside Michelle Williams, Joshua Jackson, Katie Holmes, Mary-Margaret Humes, Mary Beth Peil, Kerr Smith, Busy Philipps and more. The plan is to do a live reading of the pilot to the series. But would people come? Uh, yes, they would. Tickets for the one-night-only event sold out in 12 minutes!
Elsewhere on Broadway, the producers of "Maybe Happy Ending" have made the startling announcement that Darren Criss hasn't actually left the show—despite the statements and press releases to the contrary. He's simply taking an "extended vacation". He plans to return on November 5th. I do hope that all of the crap Andrew Barth Feldman received for not being of Korean descent continues towards Criss, who likewise has not a drop of Korean blood in his DNA. I hesitate from saying he has no Korean in him—because, you know, a gig's a gig!
If the politically correct folks out there want to find someone to hate, look no further than Dame Helen Mirren. The esteemed actress was asked how she felt about there one day being a female James Bond. "I wish them well. I'm excited for the next man to come on the stage. I'm such a feminist, but you can't have a woman playing James Bond. It just doesn't work. James Bond has to be James Bond, otherwise it becomes something else".
A scurrilous rumor was circulating that Becks Motor Lodge in San Francisco was poised to sell. Not true. The landmark establishment in the middle of the Castro neighborhood opened its doors in 1958 and ever since has serviced our community (to say nothing of truckers, who frequented the parking lot). It's still a family business. When contacted, they said, "Thanks for checking with us. We are alive and well!"
I hate to bring up El Presidente week after week. But, you know, he's column-worthy, if not sponge-worthy. Apropos of the announcement of this year's Kennedy Center Honorees, along with news that El plans to host the event, a reporter asked if there were any truth to the rumors that he was considering renaming the venue with his own name. He chuckled and said, "Maybe in a week or so." Sometimes a joke ain't so funny.
I should have predicted this week's "Ask Billy" question. Gary in Miami wrote, "Is it true that Antoni is off the market? What do you know about his boyfriend?"
What can I say? Hot guys simply bounce back faster. They also tend to bounce up and down with enormous enthusiasm...but that's another story. As to Antoni Porowski from "Queer Eye", he hadn't been linked with anyone seriously since the implosion of his engagement to Kevin Harrington. Recently, however, he's been turning up at events with Zacharias Niedzwiecki, who is described as a "personal trainer". What he is training little Antoni to do, I'll leave to your vivid imagination. Never underestimate the power of pecs (to say nothing of rock-hard abs). The duo has even taken the liaison to social media—which means something, according to my tween nieces. I don't want to minimize either of their appeal. It's entirely possible that they could have looks and other less tangible attributes. But for now, we'll let you sample their more visible wares on BillyMasters.com.
When one man's fuck buddy is another man's boyfriend (and who hasn't been there?), we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. I was thinking—Big Daddy lasted to 92. That means I could be writing this column another...oh, four decades or so (allowing for a generous conversion to gay years). If that's the case, you should probably get in on the ground floor of www.BillyMasters.com—the site that encourages bouncing of all kinds. The more you bounce, the looser my lips get...so to speak. If you'd like to try 'em out, drop a note and your questions to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before David Geffen endows a Billy Masters Chair (I always enjoy sharing a chair with a well-endowed man). Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.