Billy Masters 04.30.26

"I don't know what the f&*k you're saying, hun. Please remember where you are, OK. 'Cause if you're trying to shade me, bitch, I'm gonna come for you. I'm from Brooklyn, and if I want to f&*kin' talk, I will do a tap dance if I f&*kin' want. Sorry. That, of course, is not part of my people skills."

- Cyndi Lauper shuts down a heckler at the opening night of her Las Vegas residency at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace.


The White House Correspondents Association dinner is always a great weekend for gays in DC to hook up with a politician or a political aide (or, in the worst possible case, a gay journalist). Last weekend, the Capitol was buzzing with homosexual activity — why, the thought of it gave Lindsey Graham a case of the vapors! It was so out of control, Grindr had to hire extra data centers just to handle the load (as it were). Rest assured, the gay hookup app made its presence known by hosting a mixer the eve of the main event. It was such a hot ticket, "Vanity Fair" and "USA Today" wrote about it. Everyone was speculating who'd attend. We're told people like Don Lemon, Kaitlan Collins, some reality stars and lesser politicos along with a handful of anonymous hotties showed up.

As to the WHCA dinner itself, shots rang out in the lobby as people were settling in. The Secret Service told attendees to duck under their tables (which led to some pretty interesting photos), while Il Duce, Madame Duce, the Vice Duce, the head of the WHCA, and Oz Pearlman were whisked off the dais into the lobby. This begs the question — what the fuck kinda mentalist are you, Oz? Shortly after the Secret Service pushed Wolf Blitzer into a men's room, the suspect was neutralized. Il Duce proclaimed, "The show must go on." The Secret Service disagreed and sent everyone home. Trump promises the event will be rescheduled "in the next 30 days."

Last week, Boston had some presidential presence of its own. Bill and Hillary Clinton were in town to see their daughter Chelsea running...her first Boston Marathon. She finished 130th with a commendable time of 3:40:52. To protect her privacy, she ran under the name "Margaret Smith" and was accompanied by Secret Service agents.

Margaret Cho made a not-particularly startling revelation — Donald Trump tried to get her to compete on "The Celebrity Apprentice". "I was asked several times to be on it, season after season, and they kept saying, 'Well, Donald Trump really loves you. Please come on,' and I just had a bad feeling about it." She didn't completely boycott the show — she showed up during the 2010 season to assist pal Cyndi Lauper in a challenge. But, it didn't end there. In 2016, Cho heard from Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen. "He somehow got my email and was really begging me to become part of the campaign. And I'm like 'That's insane.' I'm a lifelong Democrat. Why would I back somebody that I didn't know anything about?"

Kathy Griffin waded into political waters by making a revelation of her own. "I donated $10,000 to the Eric Swalwell campaign last November and today Team Swalwell gave me the 10K back!!! I want you guys to know that I turned right around and gave that same $10,000 to Amy Goodman and @DemocracyNow. You want legit, tried and true independent, NON CORPORATE journalism, keep up with @democracynow, and Amy Goodman."

The Michael Jackson biopic opened to record-breaking box office numbers. "Michael" itself got pretty awful reviews — not that anyone suggested the film is badly acted or directed. The words used were more like "sanitized", "surface-level", "greatest hits". Even Jaafar Jackson got off (so to speak) as a capable actor and an even better dancer and performer. But anyone looking for depth or reality about Jackson's life should look elsewhere. You'd also better look elsewhere if you're trying to find Janet Jackson. We got the lowdown from LaToya (who never met a microphone she didn't like, in one way or another). "I wish everybody was in the movie. [Janet] was asked and she kindly declined so you have to respect her wishes." It should be noted that the Jackson family has a huge financial stake in the flick, and Michael's "son", Prince Jackson, is an executive producer. Paris and Blanket are not involved. Paris, in particular, has criticized the film as having "a lot of full blown lies". "The film panders to a very specific section of my dad's fandom that still lives in the fantasy. And they're going to be happy with it."

You should know that the film planned to include the child molestation allegations in the final section. However, attorneys for the Jackson estate realized that there was a clause in Michael's settlement with Jordan Chandler that "barred the depiction or mention of him in any movie". So that entire storyline was scrapped and the film ends in 1988. There is, however, talk of a sequel.

In a late-breaking diva moment, Madonna showed up at The Abbey in WeHo to celebrate owner Tristan Schukraft's birthday. She had on one of those outfits worn in competition by Tara Lipinski (or was it Johnny Weir? I get them confused all the time). "Hello, children, mutha is here to save you," she said from the DJ booth. "Are you ready to dance for me? Come on, meet me on the dance floor. Alright, let's go gays, come on. Don't let me down, gays." Then she sang, danced, served a few drinks, emptied a few ashtrays. You know, the usual.

Here's the diva story that everybody's talking about — Cher's secret granddaughter. First, let's clear this up — the kid was no secret. Cher heard about the child that Kayti Edwards gave birth to in 2010 and knew there was a good chance it was sired by her son, Elijah Blue Allman. Kayti says, "Cher got in touch with me last June and asked if it was true, so I had to confess." Believe it or not, that's not the craziest part. Kayti Edwards' step-grandmother is Julie Andrews! So this kid has a great-grandmother who was Mary Poppins and a grandmother that straddled a 16-inch naval gun on the battleship USS Missouri clad in a black leather thong bodysuit! Talk about diversity!

By the way, Cher has once again petitioned the court to place Elijah under a temporary conservatorship. She claims he "has no concept of money" and "is unable to manage his financial resources and is unable to withstand fraud or undue influence" because of his "severe mental health and addiction issues". Elijah's half-brother also told the court that he "is currently a danger to himself and unable to manage his life and any funds that would become available to him." Elijah Blue is also estranged from his wife, Marieangela King, who filed for divorce last April. She was granted $6,500 a month in temporary spousal support along with custody of their 2017 Toyota Prius.

You all know that Cher has famously collaborated with the great Diane Warren. But here's something you probably don't know — Warren once collaborated with Matt Bomer! When "Magic Mike XXL" was being put together, there was talk of Bomer's character singing onstage (he does sing "Heaven", from that Christopher Atkins stripper movie). There was even talk of him releasing an EP in conjunction with the film. So he recorded a handful of songs — some covers, some originals, and some written by Warren. Ultimately, the project was shelved. "I knew that if I released them into the world, I was gonna have to go on talk shows and do them...and tour around the country with them, and do all this stuff. And I was like, 'You know what? I love her music, but if I'm gonna do this, it has to come from me,' and so we never released it."

This leads perfectly to our "Ask Billy" question. Chris in Maryland writes, "I saw a photo of Matt Bomer's son going to his prom. He's so gorgeous — just like his dad. What can you tell me about him?"

We actually don't know who Walker Halls' biological father is. It could be Matt or it could be Matt's husband, PR guru Simon Halls. The supposition was always that they were Halls' kids since they took his last name. While they were all born before Halls married Bomer, they were a couple. Either way, these kids have good—looking parents. Little Walker Halls went to his prom with Ava Bozzi, who is the adopted daughter of Bryan Lourd, who was Carrie Fisher's gay ex-husband. She is also the sister of that fun-loving Billie Lourd. With family like that, no doubt the high school couple had plenty to talk about! You can check out photos on BillyMasters.com.

When I'm covering high school proms, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Since we're dangerously approaching Epstein country (although I think high school was too old for him), let me remind you to check out BillyMasters.com — the site you can even check out from under the table. If you have a question that only I could answer, send it along to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before we find out if Wolf ran into Lindsey in that men's room! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.