Finding Strength and Hope in the Face of Hate
The frequency and vitriol of anti-transgender and other anti-LGBTQ executive orders in the past few weeks have been horrifying. It's hard to hold on to hope—but as parents, we need to find resilience and strength for both ourselves and our children. Here are some suggestions for doing so.
First, know that help exists. LGBTQ-affirming support lines include the Trans Lifeline (877.565.8860), the Trevor Project (for youth; 866.488.7386), the LGBT National Hotline (888.843.4564) and the LGBT National Youth Talkline (800.246.7743). If you or your loved ones are in need of legal assistance, you can reach out to the GLAD Law Answers Legal InfoLine, Lambda Legal Help Desk, NCLR Legal Information Hotline, or Transgender Law Center Legal Information Helpdesk, which can easily be found online. You may also wish to know about The Trans Youth Emergency Project (southernequality.org/tyep), which offers logistical and financial support to families needing access to gender-affirming care.
We must also keep ourselves informed. Some places to start: Trans-led sources of news and information include Assigned Media (assignedmedia.org) and Erin in the Morning (erininthemorning.com). Reliable sources of data and research include the Movement Advancement Project (mapresearch.org) and UCLA's Williams Institute (williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu). Two terrific recent books that share the voices of real trans youth are: "American Teenager: How Trans Kids Are Surviving Hate and Finding Joy in a Turbulent Era," by Nico Lang (Abrams) and "Trans Kids, Our Kids: Stories and Resources from the Frontlines of the Movement for Transgender Youth," by Adam Polaski, Alexis Stratton, and Jasmine Beach-Ferrara (Ig Publishing).
We must turn our knowledge into action. We cisgender people who are not already dealing with impacts of the executive orders in our immediate families should nevertheless check in with trans extended family and friends to see how they're doing and assure them of our support. We should continue speaking out to our elected officials, to our communities, and on social media. Additionally, we can donate our time and/or money (as our means allow) to the many LGBTQ and civil rights organizations fighting the onslaught of hate. If you need further ideas, Advocates for Trans Equality (transequality.org) has a helpful list of suggestions for ways to support trans people individually and in the wider world.
We can take heart, too, that legal advocates are already taking steps to stop the executive orders. Let's look at several examples.
Two lawsuits have already been filed by GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders (GLAD Law) and the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) on behalf of several trans women in federal prisons who would be transferred to men's facilities under the executive order that says the federal government will treat people based on assigned sex at birth (either male or female). Judge George O'Toole of the U.S. District Court for Massachusetts issued a temporary restraining order on January 30 in one case, which means the plaintiff can stay in a women's facility while O'Toole considers whether to issue a longer injunction.
Six active-duty transgender service members and two aspiring service members have also filed a lawsuit (again with the help of GLAD Law and NCLR) challenging the executive order that would ban trans people from military service. One of the plaintiffs is Major Erica Vandal, an Army officer, trans woman, and parent, and the lawsuit reminds us that Vandal would lose access to military benefits not just for herself, but also for her spouse and two children. Her G.I. Bill benefits, too, which can be used to fund an education or job training, "would be negatively impacted, as would her ability to transfer these benefits to her children." Another lawsuit against this executive order is expected shortly from Lambda Legal and HRC.
Lambda Legal is also planning action against the executive order that bans gender-affirming medical care for anyone under 19. Although some health clinics, such as ones at Denver Health and Virginia Commonwealth University, are starting to cancel appointments for gender affirming care for those under 19 in response to the order, others, like Mass General Brigham and more in the Boston area, have said they will continue care until "agencies issue regulations implementing these changes and/or legal challenges are exhausted," per WBUR (1/31/2025).
The California Department of Education and several school districts across the country have issued statements affirming their support for trans students in the face of the executive order which would withhold federal funds from schools that teach "gender ideology," "equity ideology," or support trans and nonbinary students in social transition (e.g., by using their requested names and pronouns).
Importantly, too, we must remember that we are the ones who define our own identities and families. Our kids are the ones who define theirs. No one can take that away. And no matter what our kids' identities are, across any aspect of identity, we parents can help them feel positive and empowered by being thoughtful about the language we use, by offering role models (in person or through books and media), and by connecting them with relevant peer communities, offline or online. While there is never a guaranteed outcome, those actions can offer important emotional protections against stigma and hate.
The word "unprecedented" gets thrown around a lot these days—and in many ways, these are indeed unprecedented times. But I also know that we queer folks have a long and precedented history of resilience and resistance. May the wisdom and strength of those who have gone before inform and inspire us to stand firm in the present and create a better future.
Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (mombian.com), a two-time GLAAD Media Award-winning blog for LGBTQ parents plus a searchable database of 1,700+ LGBTQ family books.