Billy Masters 02.06.25
"Seeing that video, it's hard to believe that it's actually genuine and real because she's an actress."
- Criticism of Selena Gomez crying in a video about the mass deportation of illegal immigrants. Trust me, lady, she's not THAT good an actress.
This week, I'm writing to you from sunny South Florida-Fort Lauderdale, to be precise. As I boarded the plane, a Facebook memory popped up from 2019. "I'm heading to Fort Lauderdale to compete against Dan Renzi in the pole dancing competition at Chat Noir." While I'd like to say my life has changed since then and I've grown up, apparently I'm the same ole Billy—except it's no longer a competition. And, rather than the divine Dan, I was with three dear lifelong friends to celebrate my upcoming birthday. You know what I discovered? Straight women are exhausting (no offense). I adore them, but I must give it up to straight men...which I've always been inclined to do. And, instead of Chat Noir, we were at AquaPlex (formerly Lips) to see my pal Daisy DeadPetals host the fabulous drag dinner. Definitely check it out if you're in the neighborhood—FlaDragShow.com.
It's been a busy week, so let's dispense with the politics quickly. First, how could a fatal collision in mid-air be blamed on former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg? "He's a disaster now!" said El Presidente. Yeah, because a former Rhodes scholar who has served in our military and served in both local and federal government is not nearly as qualified as an alumni of "The Real World"! Mayor Pete wasn't taking that lying down. "Despicable. As families grieve, Trump should be leading, not lying."
Did I slip into a time warp and enter the '80s? When did Caroline Kennedy dump the Schlossberg name? Not that I really care, but it seems like she's sold the Schlossbergs down the river and become a Kennedy again? I have a good mind to ask for my bat mitzvah gift back! And if she's gonna be Caroline Kennedy, would it kill her to come back and host "The Kennedy Center Honors"? I miss her sidling onto the stage in an ill-fitting dress and carrying a saddlebag. Still, I sincerely appreciate her service to our country.
Clearly it's time for another jaunt in the Filth2Go Wayback Machine. Back in 1974, "Little House on the Prairie" debuted on NBC. After Netflix announced a reboot, Megyn Kelly expressed concern over preserving the sanctity of the show. "If you wokeify 'Little House on the Prairie' I will make it my singular mission to absolutely ruin your project." This ticked off Melissa Gilbert, who responded. "Ummm... watch the original again. TV doesn't get much more 'woke' than we did. We tackled: racism, addiction, nativism, anti-Semitism, misogyny, rape, spousal abuse and even other 'woke' topic you can think of. Thank you very much." No, thank you, Half Pint!
In 1975, Cher televised a TV special which led to her solo variety show. The special included a skit that took place at Final Curtain—Rest Home for Aged Performers. The aged residents included Cher, Bette Midler and Flip Wilson in the year 2025. They congregate in the "fun room" to watch the 1975 special. When Elton John enters on a motorized wheelchair...well, Cher and Bette cannot keep it together. Check it out on BillyMasters.com.
Back in 1985, Lily Tomlin scored a major success with her partner Jane Wagner's one-woman show, "The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe". She even won the Tony Award. In 1991, it was made into an acclaimed play and Lily reprised the role in a national tour in 1999. Others have tackled the material—most recently, Cecily Strong did it off-Broadway and in Los Angeles in 2022. Now, the Aurora Theatre in Berkeley, CA will mount a revival this summer starring our very own Marga Gomez. "I couldn't be more thrilled to see Marga Gomez stepping in to Lily Tomlin's iconic role," said Aurora's Artistic Director, Josh Costello.
In 1997, Lisa Kudrow and Mira Sorvino attended their 10-year high school reunion. Well, not their reunion. It was "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion". Guess what? In a couple of years, it will be their 40th high school reunion. So what a perfect time to talk about a sequel. This time around, Sorvino and Kudrow are involved behind the scenes as executive producers. Since they want to release the film in 2027, they're not in a big rush.
With the Super Bowl around the corner, we're looking forward to some of the ads that will run. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan revisit the infamous deli from "When Harry Met Sally" for Hellmann's. Not being a mayo aficionado, I didn't get too excited about that. Still, there is magic seeing Crystal sitting across from a virtually unrecognizable Ryan. Speaking of unrecognizable, the aforementioned Cher hawks Uber Eats straddling a cannon. She gets a hold of a time machine and tries to go back to the '80s—the 1680s. Eh, at least it's a year she remembers! When villagers remark, "She's both young and old at the same time," you realize she's in on the joke. When they call her a witch, she corrects them. "I'm not a witch—I'm an icon."
Speaking of icons, we come to my favorite story of the week. Have you heard about Joan Collins' latest comeback? Talk about going back in time. The 91-year-old legend has signed on to make a big-screen biopic about Wallis Simpson! "The Bitter End" recounts Mrs. Simpson's years after the death of the Duke. What nobody seems to know is that Collins manifested this project 40 years ago. Back in the October 1, 1985 issue of "Life" magazine (remember "Life"?), Collins was featured in a pictorial as famous women in history. Queen Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great, Cleopatra, Marilyn Monroe, Eve (as in Adam and...) and even the Duchess of Windsor. She also dressed as Josephine Baker—which is problematic for other reasons. She'll once again don Wallis' drag. "It's a very good script, and it's a great part for me. I've always been fascinated by Wallis, because I think she was unfairly treated," says Collins. Simpson was previously portrayed on screen by Faye Dunaway in "The Woman I Love", Joely Richardson in "Wallis & Edward", Eve Best in "The King's Speech" and Lia Williams in "The Crown".
Pee-wee Herman (aka Paul Reubens) basically took over the airwaves in the '80s. The '90s were mostly mired in a sticky sort of scandal. Reubens successfully revived the character in "Pee-wee's Big Holiday" in 2016. Two years after his death, a documentary debuted at the Sundance Film Festival. "Pee-wee as Himself" was not only well received, but managed to make news. At long last, Reubens came out as gay—in his own words. "I was out of the closet, and then, I went back in the closet. I wasn't pursuing the Paul Reubens career; I was pursuing the Pee-wee Herman career". He also says, "I was secretive about my sexuality even to my friends [out of] self-hatred or self-preservation. I was conflicted about sexuality. But fame was way more complicated." Sounds like a great doc.
Every once in a while, people ask me about that film version of Sondheim's "Merrily We Roll Along". It's being directed by Richard Linklater, and he's got a long-term plan. Given that the musical takes place over 20 years (in reverse chronological order), he wants to film it over a similar time period—except being shot in chronological order (similar to how he shot "Boyhood" over 12 years). Linklater started shooting in 2019 with Ben Platt, Beanie Feldstein, and Blake Jenner. However, shortly after filming the rooftop "Our Time" sequence, Jenner left the project. He was replaced by Paul Mescal. Problem is—all three actors are already significantly older than their characters were. And, here's another rub—who in God's name is going to care about any of these people in 20 years? I barely care about them now! And, at least in terms of Beanie and Ben—haven't we all suffered enough?
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Frank in Michigan: "I read online that Taylor Perez is becoming an underwear model. For who? And do you have the photos?"
That's Taylor Zakhar Perez to you, Frankie. Taylor has been signed by Lacoste to be the face...er, the abs...their "global underwear ambassador". In "Red, White and Royal Blue", he was the openly gay son of the US president. In real life, not so open. Taylor said, "I've always admired the history, legacy, and creativity of the brand, and it's with great pride that I now carry the values of the crocodile." His "values" are on full display against a Parisian backdrop and are quite impressive. You won't need a passport to check him out on BillyMasters.com.
When nothing comes between Taylor and his gator, it's definitely time to end yet another column. More wildlife can be found on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that never asks, "Boxers or briefs?". For all your other needs, drop a note to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before someone asks Collins to play Eve from the Garden of Eden (she knew her, too). Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.