3 Key Things for LGBTQ+ Prospective Parents to Know

Starting a family is always a momentous decision. Doing so as an LGBTQ+ person often means additional complexities and considerations, especially at a time when our rights and identities are under attack. For those considering parenthood or newly decided on it, here are three things I would emphasize right now.

LGBTQ+ parents and our children have a long history

What you are doing (or contemplating) is not a newfangled social experiment, nor unknown territory. The first large wave of LGBTQ+ people intentionally parenting after coming out started in the 1970s, evolving into the "gayby boom" of the 1980s. (The earliest use of the term was by Newsweek in 1990, noting a movement that already existed.) The first comprehensive book on queer parenthood of any identity came out four decades ago during that boom (and contributed to it): Cheri Pies's 1985 "Considering Parenthood: A Workbook for Lesbians."

Even before that, since about the 1940s, out LGBTQ+ people were parenting, mostly in the context of people who had children in different-sex marriages before coming out. And LGBTQ+ parents and our children can also be found in centuries past, arguably all the way back to Sappho (7th to 6th century BCE), who may have had a child.

We have done a good job of parenting, too, with the overwhelming majority of studies since the 1980s showing that kids with LGBTQ+ parents are just as likely to turn out happy and well-adjusted as any others, and even tend to score higher on some metrics of psychological well-being.

LGBTQ+ parents and our children have a vibrant present

Five million children are being raised by nearly 2.6 million LGBTQ+ parents in the U.S., according to the latest research from UCLA's Williams Institute. And 32% of LGB adults and 19% of transgender adults report ever having a child (who may now be grown or living elsewhere).

Even in the current era, when LGBTQ+ equality is under threat, we are still making inroads. In 2024 and 2025, Michigan, Massachusetts, and Hawaii became the most recent of the 12 states that have enacted updated, comprehensive, LGBTQ+-inclusive parentage legislation, joining California, Colorado, Connecticut, Maine, New Hampshire, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Washington. (As of this writing, similar legislation in Illinois awaits the governor's signature.) While some details vary among states, the legislation all lays out clear and equitable ways to secure legal ties between parents and children, including children formed via assisted reproduction and those with LGBTQ+ parents. And Vermont and New Mexico this year enacted bills that will make it easier for nongestational LGBTQ+ parents to confirm their legal parentage via adoption, without burdensome and unnecessary requirements.

This is not to say that serious obstacles don't exist. Anti-LGBTQ+ bias, hate, and misunderstanding abound. Executive orders and U.S. Supreme Court decisions are directly targeting LGBTQ+ families and people. Parentage legislation is still in need of improvement in most states. But LGBTQ+ families continue to exist, to see our children grow, and to find queer joy.

Many resources exist, too, to help us start, grow, and nurture our families. Support and information are out there, in the form of parenting guidebooks, national and local organizations, online communities, podcasts, and more. National organizations you should know about include Family Equality, now in its fifth decade of helping LGBTQ+ families via advocacy, resources, and events (online and in-person); COLAGE, for and by people with LGBTQ+ parents and/or caregivers; and GWK Academy, which began as a spinoff of the queer men's community Gays With Kids, but this year became a non-profit and expanded its mission to support all LGBTQ+ prospective parents on their family-building journeys.

Some regions have more localized LGBTQ+ family groups, while LGBTQ+ community centers may also offer family resources and events. If you don't live near any of these, or prefer to engage online, check out virtual offerings from the above organizations, as well as the online communities and information provided by PregnantTogether; Gay Moms Club; Trans Fertility Co.; and my own site, Mombian, among other places.

LGBTQ+ parents and our children are shaping our future

The challenges we face right now are daunting, to be sure, but even a brief look at our history shows us that we have overcome challenges before. I have not yet given up hope that we can do so again. For myself, I find that taking action helps dispel feelings of helplessness, so I encourage you to try the same, whether that means showing up at a local school board meeting (or running for the board yourself), volunteering for a local or national organization, contributing financially to LGBTQ+ family organizations if you are able, participating in online forums to share your experiences with others, or simply being visible in your community, if you safely can. And if your family needs help, ask. You are not alone.

Parenting isn't for everyone, and only you can decide if it's right for you. But if you think it might be, know that you will be stepping into a community rooted in the past, growing in the present, and actively working towards a better future.

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (mombian.com), a two-time GLAAD Media Award-winning blog for LGBTQ+ parents plus a searchable database of 1,800+ LGBTQ+ family books.

(Disclosure: I am an unpaid, volunteer member of Family Equality's Communications Committee, and a marketing partner of GWK Academy for one of their upcoming events.)