A Queer Parent's Thoughts on Gratitude and Hope

We are heading into what is supposed to be a time to give thanks, but it feels like there is little to be thankful for right now. The federal government is shut down; food assistance to those in need has been slashed; LGBTQ+ equality, particularly trans equality, is under renewed attack. Finding gratitude is tough, but here's what I'm grateful for this year, and what is giving me hope as we head towards the next.

First and foremost, I am grateful for my family. My son, now an adult, brings joy and love to my life every day. My spouse of 32 years and I met at a very different time in our lives, but after living in four different states, starting our family via reciprocal IVF in the early aughts, raising our son, and caring for each other through the passing of our parents, we find ourselves still enjoying our adventures together (and plotting new ones). My brother is also part of my circle of gratitude, a loving uncle to my son and one of the people I am closest to. May we each find love this season with our families, whether they are by blood, law, or choice.

I am grateful this year, too, for the friends who share my anger over the state of our country and are helping to create change. Recently, I was glad to see many in my community respond in record numbers to the need for donations to our local food pantry as SNAP benefits have halted. Such donations should not have been needed—a government should never let its people go hungry—but under the current circumstances, I was encouraged by seeing people step up to do the right thing.

I am also buoyed by recent election wins that indicate many are eager for a government that helps and uplifts people, rather than harms and belittles them. We saw recent progress, too, as the Illinois General Assembly on October 29 passed the Equality for Every Family Act, which updates the state's parentage laws to better protect the children of LGBTQ+ parents and others formed via assisted reproduction, following 13 other states with similar comprehensive and inclusive parentage legislation. These wins should not blind us to ongoing anti-trans rulings, attempts to roll back marriage equality, and other anti-LGBTQ+ actions that we must continue to challenge. But they offer a spark of hope that all is not lost.

That leads me to my gratitude for being part of the queer community, which remains vibrant and strong despite everything that has been thrown at us. We have a history of resilience and resistance that will carry us forward.

As a queer parent, furthermore, I find tremendous hope for the world as I see many queer people still wanting to start and expand their families. In fact, resources for queer family building continue to flourish, from newer organizations like GWK Academy and PregnantTogether, long-established ones like Family Equality, and from local LGBTQ+ parenting groups, fertility clinics, and adoption agencies, among others.

I take heart as well from the ongoing representation of queer people and families in children's books and media. Representation in books has particularly grown over the past decade, with both the number of titles and the range of representation (queer and intersectional) increasing. Attempts to ban these books in many schools and libraries are still on the rise—but based on the number of titles I have queued up to review next year (and into 2027), authors and publishers aren't slowing down. There is a demand for these books because they give children important images of themselves, their families, and their world. Representation in on-screen media remains more limited, especially for younger children, as GLAAD's recent "Where We Are on TV 2024-2025" report shows, but is a definite improvement from where things were a decade ago.

Finally, I am grateful for the queer parents who have gone before, starting and raising children with much less support and fewer resources than we have today. Their experiences and the paths they charted still inform and inspire. Lately, for example, I have been thinking about a quote from Joy A. Schulenburg's 1985 book "Gay Parenting," one of the first published books on the topic. She wrote, "Throughout history, gay men and lesbians have been innovators, creative spirits and heralds of social change. As we seek to expand our horizons and invest our nurturing energy in another generation of human beings, let's hope that we can pass on to them our best selves—generous, talented, and possessing a tremendous capacity for love." I'd now widen the sentiment to include the full LGBTQ+ spectrum, but otherwise think it remains a valuable message for today.

The winter holidays mark a time of rebirth, of knowing there will be light after the darkness. That seems appropriate for the LGBTQ+ community right now. As we begin the season, then, let us use this time to reflect and recharge, to give thanks for our families and our communities, however we define them, and to find ways we can continue to make a difference.

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (mombian.com), a two-time GLAAD Media Award-winning blog for LGBTQ+ parents plus a searchable database of 1,900+ LGBTQ+ family books.